Monday

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancé thinks I'm a virgin and I'm not. Is there anything you can do to help me?"

The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."

The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress - her hubby "slips it in" and just then she snaps the elastic band.

The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?

The wife explains, "Oh Honey, that was my virginity snapping."

The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"

This newcomer to Seattle arrives on a rainy day. She gets up the next morning and it's raining. It continues to pour for the rest of the week.

Leaning out her apartment window she sees a little boy playing on the stoop below and asks, "Hey, kid, does it ever stop raining around here?"

The kid looks up at her and calls back, "How should I know? I'm only six."

March 4 is Holy Experiment Day

Q. What's the difference between your boss and the bus?
A. Sometimes you miss the bus.

Anne the harpist and Sam the trombonist went out to a discotheque. Sam's car wouldn't lock, but Sam was a good friend of the owner, so they locked their instruments in his office, and went into the disco for some fun.

By the end of the night, and having had way too much to drink, they went back to rehearsal, completely forgetting to take back their instruments.

Anne told the conductor, "I left my harp in Sam's friend's disco."

You might be a redneck if…

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint jobprimer red and primer gray.

The dean and the coach struck a simple deal. Despite his abysmal grades, the all-star tackle could play in the big game if and only if he could learn and remember the formula for water before then. The coach and the chemistry teacher both worked with the gridiron star and were confident that he'd come through with flying colors.

On the morning of the game the dean came down to the locker where the tackle was suiting up. "Well?" said the dean. "What is the formula for water?"

Grinning broadly, and drawing confidence from the presence of his proud coach, the player said, "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O."

A salesman, who is getting ready for his next trip, asks his wife to include a condom in his suitcase. His wife instantly asks "Why?"

He replies, "Just a reminder if I want to try something different."

She grabs a bar of soap, drops it into one of his socks, swings it in the air, and WHAM!!! swings it up between his legs.

After much pain, and gathering his composure, he asks, "Why the hell did you do that?"

She replies, "Just a reminder if you want to try something different."