Monday

There is a town in Oregon named Boring, a family name.
Among the signs:
Boring Grade School,
Boring Fire Department,
and Boring Market.
The state slogan was once "Relax in a State of Excitement."

At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot sees and feels.

A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information about the aircraft's capabilities to each visitor who gets in.

When my two-year-old son sat down in the plane, he seemed fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at us and said, "Gramma, could I have a quarter?"

Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.

"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.

"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.

"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.

"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.

"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.

"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.

"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.

"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.

"Pew," Charlie retorted.

"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."

Try this -> "What's Your Pirate Name"

You answer several questions and the site generates a pirate name for you--- mine was "Calico Tom Rackham"--- and also provides a brief profile of your character. Mine was:

Often indecisive, you can't even choose a favorite color. You're apt to follow wherever the wind blows you, just like Calico Jack Rackham, your namesake. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

You might be a redneck if…

Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike, and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed.

"How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

A guy walks into a shrink's office complaining of trouble with women. The shrinks asks him what he looks for in a woman, and the guy replies, "Big breasts."

The shrink says, "No, I meant for a serious relationship."

The guy replies, "Oh, seriously big breasts."

"No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in the one woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?"

The doctor looked kind of worried as the guy sat there on his couch laughing... "Spend the rest of my life with one woman? No woman's breasts are that big!"