In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
Women's Day · November 24, 2027
Who invented condensed milk and later the Lazy Susan?
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Dreams are postcards from our subconscious, inner self to outer self, right brain trying to cross that moat to the left. Too often they come back unread: "return to sender, addressee unknown." That's a shame because it's a whole other world out there--or in here depending on your point of view. -- Dennis Koenig and Jordan Budde, Northern Exposure, Roots, 1991
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about. -- Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan, 1892, Act I
I am certain that nothing has done so much to destroy the juridical safeguards of individual freedom as the striving after this mirage of social justice. - Fredrich August von Hayek
Earworms are songs that crawl into your head and stay. 98% of us have had a song stuck in our heads. Six of the worst offenders are "It's a Small World," "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," "Don't Worry; Be Happy," "Macarena," "Gilligan's Island" theme, and "Y.M.C.A."
Andreas Muller (1630-1694), a German student of Oriental culture, wrote poetry in Greek, Latin, and Hebrew at the age of 16.
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% "I don't know." It costs 90 cents to call up and vote...They're voting "I don't know."
"Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Into phone) I DON'T KNOW! (hangs up, looking proud) Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about.
This guy probably calls up 900 #'s for $2.95. per minute says "I'm not in the mood."
An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles."
"What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group.
"I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!
As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Men & women compliment each other by the unique traits we were each given:
WOMEN:
Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.
Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home call" from a friend after a snowy drive home.
They are childcare workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, bikers, babes, & your neighbors.
They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms.
They fight for what they believe in and they stand up against injustice.
They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the right schools and to get their family the right health care.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
Women are honest, loyal and forgiving.
They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Women want to be the best for their family & their friends and themselves.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!
Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends and all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.
MEN:
Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and killing bugs.
A friend of ours was puzzled by the odd messages left on his answering machine. Day after day, friends and family would talk and then say, "Beep."
He discovered the reason for the joke when he decided to listen to his greeting. "Hi," it said. "I'm not in right now, so please leave a beep after the message."
You might be a redneck if…
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
Margaret went to her new gynecologist for her first exam.
The doctor got her in the stirrups and spread her legs. Then the doctor said, "Oh My God!!! In my all of my career, I have never seen such a huge vagina!! ...huge vagina!!"
She said, "Doctor, I know it and I'm very self-conscious about it. You didn't have to repeat yourself."
The doctor replied, "I didn't. It was an echo!"
"My grandfather has two wooden legs. There was a fire at his house last night and he burned to the ground."
Who invented condensed milk and later the Lazy Susan?
Inventor Gail Borden, Jr. invented condensed milk in the 1850's and later the Lazy Susan, but he struck out with one other invention: the poorly-received "meat biscuit."