MoFunny for

Saturday

December 11, 2027

Trivia question....

What is a Delphinapterus leucas or "sea canary"?

+----- Answer At The End -----+

Consider these words of wisdom....

Crime does not pay... as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

When I despair...I remember that all through history, the way of truth and love has always won. There have been murderers and tyrants, and for a time they can seem invincible. But in the end they always fall. Think of it ... always. - Gandhi

No one grows old by living--only by losing interest in living. - Marie Beynon Ray

I bet ya' didn't know....

The first movie shown in a drive-in theater was "Wife Beware", in 1933.

Theft of a geranium bush in England is still punishable by 5 years in prison.

Things that make you go Hmmm....

There was a chemistry professor in a large college that had some exchange students in the class. One day while the class was in the lab, the Prof noticed one young man, an exchange student, who kept rubbing his back and stretching as if his back hurt. The professor asked the young man what was the matter. The student told him he had a bullet lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting communists in his native country who were trying to overthrow his country's government and install a new communist regime. In the midst of his story, he looked at the professor and asked a strange question. He asked: "Do you know how to catch wild pigs?" The professor thought it was a joke and asked for the punch line. The young man said that it was no joke. "You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free corn. When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in the last side. The pigs, which are used to the free corn, start to come through the gate to eat that free corn again. You then slam the gate on them and catch the whole herd. Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom. They run around and around inside the fence, but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the free corn. They are so used to it that they have forgotten how to forage in the woods for themselves, so they accept their captivity." The young man then told the professor that is exactly what he sees happening in America. Liberals keep pushing us toward Communism/Socialism and keep spreading the free corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental income, tax credit for unearned income, tax cuts, tax exemptions, tobacco subsidies, dairy subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare, medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms, just a little at a time. One should always remember two truths: 1) There is no such thing as a free lunch 2) and you can never hire someone to provide a service for you cheaper than you can do it yourself. If you see that all of this wonderful government 'help' is a problem confronting the future of democracy in America, you might want to send this on to your friends. If you think the free ride is essential to your way of life, then you will probably delete this email. But God help you when the gate slams shut.

Jokes & stories....

Joke

One day this man was driving for hours through the country side and needed to go to the bathroom urgently. He sees an old store off the side of the road, proceeds to the washroom an barely gets his pants down before squirting out a couple quarts of diarrhea.

When he was finally finished, he looked around and noticed to his horror there was no toilet paper. A sign on the wall said: "Sorry, there is no toilet paper, but if you wipe your ass with your index and middle fingers then stick them in this hole they will be licked clean."

The man thought to himself that that was nasty and he was not going to do it, but after so long of sitting there without a solution he decided to do it. So he wiped his ass with his fingers and stuck them in the hole.

His fingers are immediately smashed between to bricks.

"Arrrggghhh!" he screamed, then he shoved his fingers in his mouth.

Joke

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is Chinese take-out.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is deciding on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is a flickering flame.
Marriage is a flickering television.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough?!"

One-liner

Anti-Stress kit Toothpick: To remind you to "pick out" the good qualities in others and yourself and to be tolerant and accepting of the differences of others.

Joke

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."

I said, "You'll be sorry."

He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"

I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

Joke

A nice young Post Office worker was sorting through her regular mail when she discovered a letter addressed as follows:

GOD, c/o Heaven.

Upon opening the envelope, the enclosed letter told about a little old lady who had never asked for anything in her life. She was desperately in need of $100 and was wondering if God could send her the money.

The young lady was deeply touched, and passed the hat among her work mates. She managed to collect $90, and she sent it off to the old lady.

A few weeks later another letter arrived addressed in the same way to God, so the young lady opened it. The letter read,

"Thank you for the money, God, I deeply appreciate it. However, I received only $90. It must have been those jerks at the post office!"

Red Neck

You might be a redneck if…

Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

Joke

Four nuns are driving to market and get hit by a drunk driver and all four nuns die. They get in line to go through pearly gates and wait for St. Peter to admit them. St. Peter goes to the nuns and says, "I realize that you are sisters of the cloth, but I must ask you if you have anything to report to me that might be a sin."

The sisters thought for a while and the first nun went to St. Peter. "I once touched a man's penis with this finger."

St. Peter thought for a while and said, "I'm sure it was in the line of duty. Place your finger in that holy water and swirl it around."

She did as she was instructed and "PING" she was in.

The second nun went to St. Peter and said, "I once touched a man's genitals with my entire right hand."

Again St. Peter thought for a while and said, "I'm sure it was within your duties. Swirl your hand in that holy water and go in."

The second nun did as she was instructed and "ping" she was in.

All of a sudden the 4th nun jumped in front of the 3rd nun.

St. Peter was really confused by this. "How come you cut in front of this Sister?"

The 4th nun replied, "I just wanted to know if I could gargle with that holy water before she soaks her ass in it!"

Joke

Once upon a time there lived a king.
The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?

He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth..

THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt.
But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.

She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?
(Scroll down for the answer)

MM's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking?......(you pervert)

Picture

Trivia answer....

The beluga whale is often referred to as t he "sea canary" because of the birdlike chirping sounds it makes.

Beluga whales are entirely arctic and subarctic. They inhabit the Arctic Ocean and its adjoining seas, including the Sea of Okhotsk, the Bering Sea, the Gulf of Alaska, the Beaufort Sea, Baffin Bay, Hudson Bay, and the Gulf of St. Lawrence (Nowak, 1991).

During certain times of the year belugas can be found in large rivers such as the Amur River of Russia, and the Yukon and St. Lawrence rivers of Canada (Nowak, 1991). Belugas have been found 1,995 km (1,240 mi.) up the Amur River, and 965 km (600 mi.) up the Yukon (Alaska Geographic Society, 1978).