Friday

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter Soviet offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten.

So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable.

The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a sleepy and sluggish, but very live, rattlesnake. Inside the box were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note. The note said, "I missed!"

A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units.

One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours.

When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone home."

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh.

Jenny was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work!

But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on.

It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job.

The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked.

"Well, it was a great dinner, Jenny said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away."

"I really enjoyed my evening." she went on to say.

"But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know.

"It didn't work out," Jenny said. "Charley was too tired."

Ah, m' lads & lasses! It's the time when All around the world People be wearing the green!

For one day in March Everyone is Irish! Eating corned beef and wearing, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish!"

They dream of the Emerald Isle, In all its lush grandeur Its rolling hills & Celtic roots From Dublin to County Mayo

Ahh, the lovely shamrocks... The lucky four-leaf clovers... The Old Country's all green On St. Patrick's Day!

But we leprechauns know Of what they really dream! Not of cabbage and potatoes Nor of James Joyce or Yeats!

They dream of finding The leprechauns' treasure Our pot of gold At the end of the rainbow!

But they'll never find it, We've hidden it well! So they'll settle for a fiddle And a dance of a jig!

Step dancing and stomping Their own Lords of the Dance River dancing their way To the tune of a tin whistle!

But we leprechauns also know What we true Irish dance for! Sure, we dance for life, And we dance for love...

But most of all, We dance for green beer! (Or root beer for you young ones out there!) So let the celebrating begin!

Erin Go Braugh!

You might be a redneck if…

The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

"Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening."

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.

After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.

The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.