Joke

These are purportedly from actual military "squawk sheets." Squawk sheets are maintenance forms filed by the flight crews "to inform the maintenance crews of problems" with the aircraft.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Solution 1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Solution 2: "#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.

Problem: Cockpit is infested with little white spiders
Solution: stomp and squish as required