Homeless man's sign at corner of 14th Street&; "Why lie? I need a beer."
One Liners
Short and sweet. 352 items · page 4 of 9
To err is human, to moo, bovine.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
Childhood&; That period when nightmares occur only during sleep.
If you're waiting in line to be seated at a nice restaurant, you can always figure a wait of two hours or a twenty whichever comes first.
Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
One of the life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes.
You will learn a lot today.
Time is just nature's way to keep everything from happening at once.
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Strip Mining Prevents Forest Fires
A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
But it uses up a thousand times the memory
The Meek shall inherit the earth..
...after we're through with it.
March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day
March 4 is Holy Experiment Day
March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day
March 12 is Alfred Hitchcock Day
March 15 is Buzzard's Day and Everything You Think Is Wrong Day
March 18 is Supreme Sacrifice Day
March 22 is National Goof-off Day
March 27 is National "Joe" Day
March 28 is Something On A Stick Day
March 30 is I Am In Control Day
Income Tax: Capital punishment.
Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.
To my sweetheart: My cooking's gotten better since I fondue.
Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Did you hear about the woman who started dating rakes and fell on hard tines?
Why won't melons elope in Las Vegas? They cantaloupe.
Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.
California smog test: Can UCLA?
What would chairs look like if our legs bent the other way?
The parachute company says you'll get a full refund.
They say the house didn't float very far at all.
The "National Enquirer" just loved those pictures of you at work.
Jerry Springer wants to surprise you on his show.