In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
November 7, 2026
An old folk custom for selecting a husband from several suitors involved taking onions and writing each suitor's name individually on each. Why?
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As I get older, I've learned to listen to people rather than accuse them of things. -- Po Bronson, quoted in Publishers Weekly
Fall seven times, stand up eight. -- Japanese Proverb
You must learn to face the fact, always, that you choose to do what you do, and that everything you do affects not only you but others. -- Holly Lisle, Fire In The Mist, 1992
The coronation of every Byzantine emperor was celebrated by distribution of 10,000 loaves of bread with 3 gold coins displaying the head of the new ruler baked inside each loaf.
Prince Von Kaunitz (1711-1794), chancellor of Austria, was so fearful of catching cold that in summer, as well as winter, he always wore six suits of clothes.
Isn't the only time a woman wishes she were a year older be when she is expecting a baby?
Premium Reader Brotha Ron was telling me the American Medical Association Researchers have made a remarkable discovery.
It seems that some patients who need blood transfusions may benefit from receiving *chicken* blood rather than human blood.
No kidding.
You see, it seems to make the men cocky and the women lay better.
One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.
"I'm lookin' for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender.
"We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right."
The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon."
The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!"
Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.
"How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.
"I don't," replied the hooker, "but I thought you might want to open those beers first."
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
You Know when you've had too much coffee when...
* You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
* You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
* You sleep with your eyes open.
* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
* You lick your coffeepot clean.
* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
* You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
* You can jump-start your car without cables.
* Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
... You don't sweat, you percolate.
* You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug.
* You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
* You've worn the finish off you coffee table.
* The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
* Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house.
* You're so wired you pick up FM radio.
* Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."
* Instant coffee takes too long.
* You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
* You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
* Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
* Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
My friend's husband always teases her about her lack of interest in household chores. One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read: "Martha Stewart doesn't live here."
The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper. The note read: "Neither does Bob Vila."
You might be a redneck if…
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
Two old gambling friends meeting on the street for the first time in several weeks and one asked the other, "Joe, where you been? Haven't seen you around for weeks."
"I've been to Africa with my son. While I was there, I taught some of them to play poker."
"Zulus?"
"Nah, I beat them 4 out of five times."
Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and me for a visit. As we walked in, our son asked if we'd like a cold drink. Mentally patting myself on the back for teaching him to be such a gracious host, I said, "Yes, what do you have?"
He walked over to the refrigerator, opened the door, studied the contents, and replied, "I have pickle juice or water."
An old folk custom for selecting a husband from several suitors involved taking onions and writing each suitor's name individually on each. Why?
An old folk custom for selecting a husband from several suitors involved taking onions and writing each suitor's name individually on each. Then all the onions were put in a cool dark storeroom. The first onion to grow sprouts would determine which man the undecided maiden should marry.
Onion Folklore
Onions were grown as many as 5,000 years ago, and to this day the tear-inducing vegetable has garnered a special place in kitchens the world over. But surprisingly, the onion has not always been recognized as just a culinary embellishment. It's enjoyed symbolic importance as well. In fact, the onion is a symbol of eternity and has been used in special ceremonies through the ages because of its unique circular pattern when sliced.
To some extent, onions were, and still are, considered a medicinal cure-all. They've been used for everything from an antibiotic to a remedy for baldness. It's a known fact that the onion is an excellent antioxidant, with components that work in much the same way as vitamin C.