MoFunny for

Monday

Punday · November 9, 2026

Trivia question....

Who was the only US president ever granted a patent?

+----- Answer At The End -----+

Consider these words of wisdom....

A man who seeks truth and loves it must be reckoned precious to any human society. - Frederick the Great.

Works of imagination should be written in very plain language; the more purely imaginative they are the more necessary it is to be plain. -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge

But penance need not be paid in suffering...It can be paid in forward motion. Correcting the mistake is a positive move, a nurturing move. -- Barbara Hall, A Summons to New Orleans, 2000

I bet ya' didn't know....

The Marquis de la Ensenada (1702-1781), Spanish statesman, for a period of 20 years always ornamented his uniform with diamonds, beginning each week with $100,000 worth of gems and adding more each day until on Saturdays he displayed diamonds valued at $700,000.

The ruined castle on Peacock Island in Berlin, Germany, was never an actual castle, having been constructed as a ruin in 1797.

Things that make you go Hmmm....

Does lemon juice turn sour when it goes bad?

Jokes & stories....

Joke

Animal activist Bo Derek was horrified to learn that the Queen of England wears antique sable coats. She decided to confront the Queen over the issue, and arranged to get herself invited to an event which the Queen was also due to attend.

So a couple of months later, there they were at a very high class tea party. Rich people everywhere. Bo started looking around for the Queen. Sure enough, there she was. It was time for the confrontation!

She marched up to the Queen, and demanded an answer.

Elizabeth responded haughtily: "Some wear old fur to reign, Bo."

Joke

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness: The lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"

The witness: "Yes, sir."

The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"

The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."

The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"

The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

One-liner

September 16 is... Stay Away From Seattle Day

Joke

Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house exclaiming, "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly? I can't button me pants."

"Oh Angus, I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."

About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs. Walking back in the door with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Angus. The little lady looks at him and says, "My god, what happened to ya? Did you ask her like I told you?"

"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button, an she did, everything was goin' fine but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in."

Joke

Bitchy Bumper Stickers

Actual bumper stickers found on cars and trucks!

Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

If You Drink, Don't Park; Accidents Cause People.

Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.

If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

To All You Virgins, Thanks For Nothing.

Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.

If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit.

Remember Folks --- Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

Red Neck

You might be a redneck if…

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Joke

The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she'd died and gone to heaven when she reached my very polite and patient son on the phone.

At the end of her long sales pitch, she asked, "Do you mind if we send out someone to give you an estimate?"

"Not at all," my son said.

"When would be a good time?" she asked.

My son answered, "Just as soon as I dig a basement."

Joke

When temperatures plunged to 26 degrees below zero Fahrenheit, the Rockford, Ill., Register Star asked its readers to finish the sentence, "It was so cold that..." Here are some of the responses:
...you could freeze an egg on the sidewalk.
...I had to go up and break the smoke off my chimney.
...we opened the refrigerator to heat the house.
...when police saw a bank-robbery suspect and said, "Freeze!" he did.
...I saw a 32nd-degree Mason, and he was down to 15.
...when I called home to Arizona, the message caused the cactus to frost over.
...I let my dog out, and I had to break him loose from the tree.

Picture

Trivia answer....

Abraham Lincoln, who invented a hydraulic device for lifting ships over shoals, was the only US president ever granted a patent.

"I was born Feb. 12, 1809, in Hardin County, Kentucky. My parents were both born in Virginia, of undistinguished families--second families, perhaps I should say. My mother, who died in my tenth year, was of a family of the name of Hanks.... My father ... removed from Kentucky to ... Indiana, in my eighth year.... It was a wild region, with many bears and other wild animals still in the woods. There I grew up.... Of course when I came of age I did not know much. Still somehow, I could read, write, and cipher ... but that was all."

Lincoln made extraordinary efforts to attain knowledge while working on a farm, splitting rails for fences, and keeping store at New Salem, Illinois. He was a captain in the Black Hawk War, spent eight years in the Illinois legislature, and rode the circuit of courts for many years. His law partner said of him, "His ambition was a little engine that knew no rest."

He married Mary Todd, and they had four boys, only one of whom lived to maturity. In 1858 Lincoln ran against Stephen A. Douglas for Senator. He lost the election, but in debating with Douglas he gained a national reputation that won him the Republican nomination for President in 1860.