Saturday

A gentleman staying at the Ritz Hotel in London removes a card offering sexual services from a telephone box on Piccadilly.

Back at the hotel he rings the number. A lady with a silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be of assistance.

The gentleman says, "I'd like a blow job, some missionary work, a little doggie-style, some mild bondage, finishing off with a pearl necklace. What do you think?"

The lady says, "I think it sounds intriguing, sir, but you might like to press 9 first to get an outside line."

An American man, a Russian man and an African man were all up in a hot air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "We're right over my homeland."

"How can you tell?" asked the American.

"I can feel the cold air." he replied.

A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah we're right over my homeland." he said.

"How do you know that?" asked the Russian.

"I can feel the heat of the desert."

Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, we're right over New York."

The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know all of that?!" they exclaimed.

The American pulled his hand up. "My watch is missing."

Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars.

When I was young I dreamed of being a test pilot. Flying higher, faster, farther. Risking my life for the science of aviation. But when I grew up I found out I wasn't qualified because of my poor eyesight. Now I work in a post office which gives me many of the same thrills.

I'm always pushing the envelope!

Dad called upstairs to his daughter when her boyfriend came to pick her up,

"Dreamboat...your barnacle is here!"

You might be a redneck if…

The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

If you did score a new gadget, there's all sorts of help and hints to let you get the most out of it. PC Magazine has put together a monster super-section, chock-full of links to all kinds of help, how-to, tips and tricks for just about every piece of technology imaginable!

A 100 year old man was having a big birthday party at his nursing home. A TV crew was there to interview the man on this special day.

"Please tell our audience how you managed to live so long," as the reporter.

"Well, I don't ever drink and I've never smoked," replied the old geezer. "And, I make it a point to stay away from wild women."

Just then, there was a loud shriek in the hall. The crew turned to see a nurse run by, followed by an agile looking, older man. The older man carried a foul smelling cigar in one hand and a glass of whiskey in the other. As he ran by, he paused for a moment, looked at the crowd and let out a hardy, "He, he, he!" and then continued his pursuit.

"What was that all about?" asked the astonished reporter.

Replied the old geezer, "Please excuse my father - he gets carried away sometimes!"