Saturday

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

Officer Patrick McGuire of the New York City Police Department answers a call on his radio and reports to the scene of a car accident in the Queens-Midtown Tunnel. Officer McGuire notes that a new Buick had its front end merged with the rear end of a Chrysler.

The driver of the Buick was Father Francis O'Boyle; the driver of the Chrysler was Sheikh Ahmad Abd Ar Rahman. After Officer McGuire verifies that Sheikh Ahmad has suffered no physical injuries in the accident, he walks back to survey the damages to each vehicle.

Then, Officer McGuire walks over to Father O'Boyle and asks him: "Tell me, Father, just how fast was that Sheikh going when he backed into you?"

My horoscope said that the finger of fate will point at me. Unfortunately, it was the middle finger of fate.

King Ozymndias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Crosus, the pawnbroker, to get a loan.

Crosus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Crosus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

NEW FLORIDA BUMPER STICKERS

I ARE ILLETERATE AND I VOTE

FLORIDA; WHERE YOUR VOTE COUNTS AND
COUNTS AND COUNTS AND COUNTS.........

IF YOU CAN READ THIS,
YOU MUST BE A REPUBLICAN

HONK IF YOU LOVE BUCHANAN
WAIT NO I MEAN GORE

FLORIDA, WE HAVE TO ASK OURSELVES:
IS OUR VOTERS LEARNING?

FLORIDUHHH HAPPENS

MY GRANDCHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT
AT THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE

VOTE FOR GORE: AT LEAST THREE TIMES

I HATE BUTTERFLIES

SORE/LOSERMAN FOR PRESIDENT

FLORIDA:
WHY WE NEED BUSH'S EDUCATION PLAN

EYE GRADIATED FRUM PAUM BEECH ELEMENTREE

DON'T BLAME ME! I VOTED FOR GORE TWICE

THANK ME! I MEANT TO VOTE FOR GORE

HOOK'D ON FONIKS WERKED FER ME

You might be a redneck if…

You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question, "If our chute doesn't open and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have before we hit the ground?"

The jump master looked at him very seriously and said, "You have the rest of your life."

Being Torn

At work, you think of the children you have left at home. At home, you think of the work you've left unfinished. Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself, your heart is rent.

- Golda Meir

Being torn seems to be an accepted given for women who run a home and also have other work. Many of us have tried to be superwomen and have almost pulled it off. Yet even when it appears that we are "making it" and successful in both arenas, we are aware that internally we feel torn and guilty in relation to our family. Frequently, this results in our taking our frustration out on our children, which results in more guilt. We feel like a violin string pulled taut and about to break.

Perhaps it is time to sit down with our families and tell them how we feel. They probably need to hear that we really want to be with them and that we do not know how to balance our lives. They may even feel relieved to know that our lives feel over-whelming (which everyone but us has admitted!).

Mediations for Women Who Do Too Much
- Anne Wilson Schaef

Laughter can be more satisfying than honor; more precious than money; more heart-cleansing than prayer.

- Harriet Rochlin

Random Cartoon Title: Men Evolve