Tuesday

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered: "I think it's Adam's suit!"

The District Judge in our county is a no-nonsense woman who has never left any doubt as to her professionalism. What those of us who work in the court didn't know was whether she had a sense of humor.

The matter was put to rest the morning an older woman was testifying before the judge. Several times during the proceedings the woman addressed the judge as "Honey."

Finally the judge looked the woman in the eye and said, "That's Judge Honey."

Some people itch for success when they should be scratching for it.

Ole and Lena had married under none too happy circumstances, and their married life had not been anything to brag about either. But when, after they had been lived together for thirty five years, Ole went to the local judge to ask for an annulment, the whole of Middleton gasped with amazement.

A date for the hearing was set, however, and when the time came the judge demanded to know the grounds on which Ole based his demand for an annulment.

"It's like this, your Honor," answered Ole, "I've just learned that Lena's father never had a license to carry a gun."

Our friends, James and Florence, attend choir practice Wednesday evenings, and often head for a restaurant afterwards with their fellow choir members.

Florence soon noticed that every time she had a glass of wine, it was followed by a severe migraine headache. James agreed with her that it might be better if she abstained, and so she did.

On one post choir occasion, however, Florence decided, after some hesitation, to try a different variety of wine. Some time passed with no consequences.

Then she waved happily across the big table where her colleagues all sat and while holding up the empty wine glass announced in a loud voice, "James! I don't have a headache tonight!"

You might be a redneck if…

You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right'

It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young woman beside her. Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the girl and bellowed with a loud voice "Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!"

"So would I," quipped the girl, "but you know, there just isn't time enough during a coffee break."

A study in Scotland showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is post-menstrual she may be attracted to plain facial features.

When pre-menstrual she can be attracted to more feminine features in a man.

If she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a pair of scissors shoved in his temple.