In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
January 16, 2027
Who invented condensed milk and later the Lazy Susan?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
To have doubted one's own first principles is the mark of a civilized man. - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)
Action without study is fatal. Study without action is futile. - Mary Beard
Be not so bigoted to any custom as to worship it at the expense of truth. -- Johann Georg von Zimmermann
The woodcock never sees its food. Its 3-inch beak is driven deep into the mud, and it devours earthworms it has located by sense of feel.
When in Illinois, make sure to visit The Double-Decker Outhouse, in Gays and the world's biggest Abe Lincoln, in Charleston.
Why is it that every time a drivers headlight goes out, it is always the low beam?
"Reportedly" True Headlines
March Planned For Next August
Lingerie Shipment Hijacked Thief Gives Police The Slip
Patient At Death's Door Doctors Pull Him Through
Diaper Market Bottoms Out
Stadium Air Conditioning Fails Fans Protest
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar
Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation
Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years
Death Causes Loneliness, Feelings of Isolation
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet.
She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like this before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"
Finally, after much urging, little Sally spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."
Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.
From the 1943 Guide to Hiring Women (Part 2)
Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees
Give the female employee in garage or office a definite day- long schedule of duties so that she'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.
Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be nervous and they're happier with change.
Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. Companies that are already using large numbers of women stress the fact that you have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and consequently is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.
Be tactful in issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way that men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts her efficiency.
Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.
Get enough size variety in operator uniforms that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too strongly as a means of keeping women happy, according to western properties.
Newspaper Virus Alert!
If you receive a newspaper with an article in it headlined "Budweiser Frog Dies", DO NOT READ IT.
Apparently it is a new sort of virus; the "Newspaper Virus". When this article is read, it will cause the printed characters on the newspaper to 'crash' , that is, come unglued, and fall in a big heap in your lap. This particular virus is very nasty in that it will re-infect any magazine or newspaper that you read afterwards, causing THEIR print to become unusable.
As well, any computer screen viewed with infected eyes will have all pixels on it fall in a pile onto the keyboard, rendering it inoperative. The New York Times this morning confirmed the existence of this virus. Microsoft and Reuters are now investigating it.
THIS VIRUS IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. THE UNITED STATES OPTICAL SOCIETY HAS ADVISED ALL READERS TO WEAR COBALT-SAMARIUM TINTED GLASSES BEFORE READING A NEWSPAPER.
PLEASE DO NOT PASS THIS MESSAGE USING E-MAIL, BUT PRINT IT OFF AND MAIL IT INSIDE A BROWN ENVELOPE TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN, USING THE U.S. POSTAL SERVICE!
You might be a redneck if…
You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was pretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he found out she had a sexy body as well. Unfortunately, the executive found himself unable to perform. Limp as a dish rag!
On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroom to find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.
Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection.
Looking down at his penis, he snarled, "Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of a bitch. Now I know why they call you a prick!"
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor that will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story: We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard.
Who invented condensed milk and later the Lazy Susan?
Inventor Gail Borden, Jr. invented condensed milk in the 1850's and later the Lazy Susan, but he struck out with one other invention: the poorly-received "meat biscuit."