Thursday

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying, "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

My friend, Brad, whose youthful looks belied his actual age and experience, flew charter flights in Florida.

One day he was assigned to take an elderly woman across the Everglades to Naples. She studied him carefully as he helped her with her seat belt. Once airborne, with nothing but water and swamp below, she cleared her throat and said apprehensively, "You seem awfully young. How long have you been flying?"

Brad flashed his most charming grin. "You mean counting today?" he answered.

My Dog Can Lick Anyone

When I was very little
All the Grandmas that I knew
All walked around this world
In ugly grandma shoes.

You know the ones I speak of,
those black clunky heeled kind,
They just looked so very awful
That it weighed upon my mind,

For I knew, when I grew old.
I'd have to wear those shoes,
I'd think of that, from time to time
It seemed like such bad news.

I never was a rebel,
I wore saddle shoes to school,
And next came ballerinas
Then the sandals, pretty cool.

And then came spikes with pointed toes
Then platforms, very tall,
As each new fashion came along
I wore them, one and all.

But always, in the distance,
Looming in my future, there,
Was that awful pair of ugly shoes,
The kind that Grandmas wear.

I eventually got married
And then I became a Mom
Our kids grew up and left,
And when their children came along,

I knew I was a Grandma
And the time was drawing near
When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes
Was what I'd have to wear.

How would I do my gardening
Or take my morning hike?
I couldn't even think about
How I would ride my bike!

But fashions kept evolving
And one day I realized
That the shape of things to come
Was changing, right before my eyes.

And now, when I go shopping
What I see, fills me with glee
For, in my jeans and Reeboks
I'm as comfy as can be.

And I look at all these teenage girls
And there, upon their feet
Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes,
And they really think they're neat.

~By Betty Cessna~

True story from Sweden some might enjoy.......

After 17 years of marriage, a man dumped his wife for a younger woman. The downtown luxury apartment was in his name and he wanted to remain there with his new love so he asked the wife to move out and then he would buy her another place. The wife agreed to this, but asked that she be given 3 days on her own there, to pack up her things.

While he was gone, the first day she lovingly put her personal belongings into boxes and crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their candlelit Dining table, soft music playing in the background, and feasted on a pound of shrimp and a bottle of chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each room and deposited a few of the resulting shrimp shells into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

The husband came back, with his new girl, and all was bliss for the first few days.

Then it started; slowly but surely. Clueless, the man could not explain why the place smelled so bad. They tried everything; cleaned mopped and aired the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in, the carpets were replaced, and on it went.

Finally, they could take it no more and decided to move. The Moving company arrived and did a very professional packing job, taking everything to their new home. Including the (curtain rods).

You might be a redneck if…

Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."

I watched a man rush onto our plane at the last minute before takeoff. He spotted one of the few empty seats on board and silently sat down.
Later that night, though, he seemed bothered as the woman next to him fidgeted and got up frequently to use the bathroom.
Still, the man never uttered a word. Feeling sorry for him, I quietly asked if he would like to move to another seat.
"My wife's been annoying me for 20 years," he said with a chortle. "There's no sense in separating us now."

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty. He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.

"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the first man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."