In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023

MoFunny for

Tuesday

February 16, 2027

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Trivia question....

Who invented matches?

+----- Answer At The End -----+


Consider these words of wisdom....

Genius hath electric power which earth can never tame. -- Lydia M. Child

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It really doesn’t matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on. -- Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com Weblog, July 7, 2003

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Youth isn't always all it's touted to be. -- Lawana Blackwell, The Dowry of Miss Lydia Clark, 1999

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I bet ya' didn't know....

The Proteus aircraft, designed to cruise at altitudes of up to 60,000 feet for up to 18 hours, can be flown remotely from the ground.

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The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in line.

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Things that make you go Hmmm....

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

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Jokes & stories....

Joke

A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a bra.

He entered a ladies shop rather intimidated, but the girls took charge to help him.

"What color?" they asked. He settled for white.

"How much does it cost?" he asked.

"Twenty dollars."

"Very good," he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea.

"Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?"

"No," he said, "nothing like that."

"Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles."

He thought long and hard and then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?"

Joke

Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love."

"Well," said the other, "that will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!"

One-liner

March 28 is Something On A Stick Day

Joke

BERLIN (Reuters) - A Berlin driving instructor who taught more than 1,000 motorists how to drive says he never got a driver's license because he was too nervous to retake the test after he failed the first time -- 43 years ago.

"I flunked it because I drove too fast at a roundabout and didn't come to a complete standstill at a stop sign," the instructor, identified by police as Wolf-Dieter R., told Berlin's B.Z. newspaper on Saturday. "I was too afraid to try again."

He was caught by police after a minor accident with a Polish truck recently. He told police he never had a license. He said it was his first accident after four decades driving cars, tractors, and even tanks as a former East German army soldier.

Joke

There once was an American Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment,

Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone."

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

And the moral of this story is "you can't kill two birds with one stone."

Red Neck

You might be a redneck if…

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Joke

You've all heard of Russian roulette and a joke's been making the rounds about African roulette.

But how many of you know how to play Indian roulette though?

You're given a flute and 6 large cobras, one of whom is deaf. . .

Joke

Where are me boots, me noggin noggin boots

They're all gone for beer and tobacco

For the heels they are worn out and the toes are kicked about

And the soles are looking for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly jolly grog

All for me beer and tobacco

Well I spent all me tin on the lassies drinking gin

Across the western ocean I must wander

Where is me shirt me noggin noggin shirt

It's all gone for beer and tobacco

For the collar is all worn and the sleeves they are all torn

And the tail is looking for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly jolly grog

All for me beer and tobacco

Well I spent all me tin on the lassies drinking gin

Across the western ocean I must wander

I'm sick in the head and I haven't gone to bed

Since I first came ashore from me slumber

For I spent all me dough on the lassies don't you know

Far across the western ocean I must wander

And it's all for me grog, me jolly jolly grog

All for me beer and tobacco

Well I spent all me tin on the lassies drinking gin

Across the western ocean I must wander

~Traditional~


Trivia answer....

The quest for ways to ignite a fire began about 1.5 million years ago, when the caveman discovered that he could start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, and ended with the successful invention of the non-toxic matches we use today.

Today, approximately 500 billion matches are used each year and about 200 billion of these come from matchbooks.

In 1669, an alchemist, one who mistakenly believes that he can change base metals into gold, mixed up a batch of something which was, surprisingly, not gold, but a substance he named phosphorous. Since his recipe did not produce the gold he desired, he tossed it onto the heap of history.

Next was Robert Boyle, an English physicist, after whom Boyle's Law was named. He cleverly coated a piece of paper with phosphorous and, armed with a splinter of sulfur-coated wood, bravely bulled the wood through the paper, which burst into flames.

Much later, in 1826, John Walker stumbled upon a chemical concoction that produced fire. After stirring together a mixture of chemicals, which did not contain phosphorous, John removed the stick he used, only to find a dried lump at its end. When he scraped the stick against the floor to rid it of the lump, the stick ignited. His mixture of antimony sulfide, potassium chlorate, gum, and starch could produce fire. In his rush to demonstrate his discovery to others, John bypassed the patent office.

In no time, a person at one of John's demonstrations, Samuel Jones, spotted an overlooked, golden opportunity, and patented the invention under his name. Mr. Jones produced matches he named Lucifers, which produced phenomenal sales. The widespread availability of the matches actually led to a significant increase in smoking.

The dark side to Lucifers was their ungodly odor, and the fireworks display they gave when ignited. In fact, Lucifers carried a warning label stating that they, not the cigarettes they lit, were dangerous to one's health!

In the 1830s, Charles Sauria, a French chemist, decided to improve upon the existing formula by adding white phosphorous to do away with the stench of the matches. What Mr. Sauria did not know, was that white phosphorous was lethal to those who came into contact with it.

Unknowingly, he created a deadly monster by adding the white phosphorous. The phosphorous was responsible for a nearly epidemic disease known as "phossy jaw," match factory workers developed poisoned bones, and children who sucked on the matches developed infant skeletal deformities. Even the amount of white phosphorous contained in one pack of matches could kill a person, and actually did, through numerous suicides and murders.

Finally, by 1910, the general public's awareness of the dangers of the white phosphorous in these matches led to a worldwide campaign to ban them. Thankfully, Diamond Match Company obtained an U.S. patent for the first nonpoisonous match, which used the harmless chemical sesquisulfide of phosphorous in place of the deadly white phosphorous.

So critical was Diamond Match Company's discovery to public health, that U.S. President Taft made a public plea to the Company voluntarily to surrender their patent rights to the invention. Despite the enormous moneymaking potential of the patent, Diamond Match Company granted President Taft's request on January 28, 1911. Congress followed suit by passing a law that raised the tax on white phosphorous matches to a level so high that their production soon ceased.

Discussion of the match would be incomplete without mention of the matchbook. John Pusey, in 1892, invented something he named the matchbook. He had the right idea, but had it backwards, as he placed the striking surface for the match on the inside of the book of 50 matches, so when one match was struck, the remaining 49 also ignited!

Once again, Diamond Match Company intervened and saved the day, by purchasing the patent to the matchbook, by moving the striking surface to the outside of the cover where it belonged, and by marketing the revamped match as the "safety match."