Thursday

Everyone knows Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will..." -
Here are some other Laws you may not have heard!

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Lowery's Law of Home Repair: If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway

Beach's Law: Interchangeable parts aren't.

William's Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.

Lane's Law of Supply and Demand: The one item you need is always in short supply.

Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Norman Einstein's Law: If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Col. Murphy's Law of Combat: Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder!

A six year old boy told his father that he and little Mary next door were going to get married. His dad asked where they would live, he replied that he and Mary had talked it over and they would live in the tree house his father had built.

Dad asked where will you get money to buy food, he replied that they talked it over and decided that if they pooled their allowances they would have money for food.

Dad asked what are you going to do if you have children, he replied that he and Mary had talked it over and agreed that if she laid any eggs, he would step on them

Don't overlook life's small joys in your search for the big ones.

The teacher asked her fifth-grade class, "How was Columbus treated when he returned from his third voyage?"
One student said, "Lots of people met him at the pier, and they all had a great time."
Sternly, the teacher said, "You didn't read the assignment!"
The student brought the textbook up to the teacher's desk and showed her where it read, "Columbus received a cool reception when he returned from his third voyage."

Doug and Bill started a business from scratch. Through hard work hey built it into a very successful company with sales in the millions. Doug and Bill lived like kings.

Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, customers disappeared and the business failed. Doug and Bill blamed each other and they parted on unfriendly terms.

Five years later, Doug drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped for a cup of coffee. As he was wiping some of the crumbs from the table, a waiter approached the table. Doug looked up and gasped, it was Bill.

"Bill," he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing seeing you working as a waiter in a place like this."

"Yeah," said Bill, curling his lip, "But at least I don't have to eat here."

You might be a redneck if…

You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.

Blonde, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."

Psychiatrist, "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

Blonde, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."

Psychiatrist, "Uh ... How's that working?"

Blonde, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."

Psychiatrist, "And why do you think that is?"

Blonde, "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

She leaned back and let her shapely legs relax, partly drawing up her knees.

She had put him off many times before, first one time and another, always with fear in her heart.

Some day she knew she would give into him, and he would go ahead and get what he wanted;

She too, wanted it very much, but that knowing fear always held her back.

She knew all along what would happen and now that the time had come she resignedly gave herself to him.

He had this same experience with other girls many times before, but for her it would hurt and the after effect would be wonderful.

Her fingers moved to touch it but she moved away.

His soothing and persuasive voice finally allowed him to touch the tender spot

Then he straightened up and gazed at it before he started.

She stared in horror at what he held in his hands and looked up into his eyes.

He looked down at her with admiration in his eyes and slowly nodded consent.

He was tender and careful as he promised that it wouldn't hurt her, although she moaned softly.

She relaxed completely at his command she opened wider.

She even had her lips apart and laid further back so it would go in and out with ease.

Then a shiver went through her body and she cried with tears rolling down her face. "Take it out, please take it out.

He smiled down at her and said, "Don't worry it must come out slowly.

It won't hurt as much and it will feel better." She relaxed once more and he slowly pulled it out.

He looked down at her tear stained face and said, "It's all over now, this tooth will never bother you again."