Monday

Amanpreet heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays.

So, on his 21st birthday, Amanpreet his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted.

When Amanpreet and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling. When the got to the middle of the lake, Amanpreet stepped off of the side of the boat... and nearly drowned.

Furious and somewhat shamed, he and Brian headed for home.

When Amanpreet arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him?"

The feeble old grandmother took Amanpreet by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January...
you were born in July, dear."

The junior executive had been complaining to his wife of aches and pains. Neither one could account for his trouble.

Arriving home from work one night, he informed her. "I finally discovered why I've been feeling so miserable. We got some ultra-modern office furniture two weeks ago, and I just learned today that I've been sitting in the wastebasket."

Archeologist: A man whose career lies in ruins.

For those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage - under the assumption that men need (or ought) to be trained for marriage. Southwest Tech is offering a new 2 year associates degree....

TWO YEAR DEGREE:
Becoming a Real Man. That's right, in just six mini-mesters, you, too, can be a real man as well as earn anassociates degree in MA (Male Arts). Please take a moment to lookover the program outline.

FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101
Combating Stupidity
MEN 102
You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103
PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104
We Do Not Want Sleazy underclothes for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110
Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111
Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 2AM
MEN 112
Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100
Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101
Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A
What's Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120
How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121
Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122
YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123
Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C
What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101
You CAN Fall Asleep without It

SEX 102
Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103
How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201
How to Put the Toilet Seat Down

Elective
(See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210
The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211
How to Not Act Younger than YourChildren
MEN 212
You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213
Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A
Her Birthdays and Anniversaries AreImportant

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220
Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary(Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221
Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222
Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223
Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B
Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:
EAT 101
Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102
Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103
Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231
Mothers-in-law
MEN 232
Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233
Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C
Cheaper to Keep Her

Dr. Jackson was almost finished making the incisions. All that remained in the tricky bone-marrow transplant was to insert the donated material, and still no sign of Dr. Jackson's eldest son, who was supposed to assist in the operation. "Where the Hell is Paul?" Jackson mumbled to the nurse. "He's in the break room, Doctor. He said to page him when you're ready to perform the transplant."

"Oh, I see," said the Doctor. "The son will come out to marrow."

You might be a redneck if…

Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce."

The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a much better lover than you."

Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as his anger increases. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph.

She says, "I want the kids, too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, now he's up to 80 mph.

She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards, too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?"

The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need."

She asks, "Like what?"

The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "An airbag."

A distinguished clergyman and a friend were playing golf. It was a very close match, and at the last hole the clergyman teed up, addressed the ball, and swung his driver with great force. The ball, instead of sailing down the fairway, merely rolled off the tee and settled slowly some twelve feet away.

The clergyman frowned, glared, and bit his lip, but said nothing. His opponent regarded him for a moment, and then remarked:

"Father, that is the most profane silence I have ever witnessed."