Sunday

Have you heard about the five young bulls, discussing what they wanted to be when they grew up? The first wanted to go to Rome and become a papal bull.

The second wanted to go to New York and become a bull on Wall Street.

The third wanted to go to the Windy City to become a Chicago Bull.

The fourth said he wanted to go to Beijing and be a bull in a China Shop.

The fifth said he was just going to stay in the pasture for heifer and heifer and heifer.

A week after their wedding, redneck newlyweds, Jed and Daisy, paid a visit to their doctor.

"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," says Jed. "My privates are turning BLUE."

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, Jed's privates ARE blue.

The doctor turns to Daisy and asks: "Daisy, are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?

"Yeah, I am," she replied.

"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"

"Grape," she answers.

"99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name."

Women Only Parking Lot

With the high rate of attacks on women in mall parking lots, the Minneapolis City Council has addressed the safety problem by establishing a "Women Only" parking lot at the Mall of America.

Valet is still an option and the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons.

Attached is the first picture available of this world's first women-only parking lot in Minnesota.

CLICK HERE TO SEE: http://www.memail.com/fotos/index.html

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

You might be a redneck if…

Red Man sends you a Christmas card.

The longshoremen in Southhampton have developed a variant on their favorite game. The object of the game is not just to hit the ball with the bat, but to get it to hit, or, better still, to land in, one of the many smokestacks in the port.

Of course the game is called Chimney Cricket.

The Following Contains Subliminal Suggestions.

Hi. I'm Mike. I'd like to (sex) tell you about some weird psychological phenomenon (sleep with me) that has been in the media forefront (I'm your love slave) in the past few years. I'm talking about subliminal suggestion.

Subliminal suggestion (buy me a car) is a technique in which the subconscious is made aware of a concept by having it exposed (and a stereo) to them too fast or in a way the conscious mind can pick (you want me) up. Thus, the person so suggested (my room 8 tonight) finds himself doing something that he ordinarily wouldn't do (bring clean sheets).

This technique was often seen being used (I'll get the champagne) in movie theatres, where one frame of a film would have a message like "Buy the popcorn." (and the condoms). This one frame goes by so fast the conscious mind can't possibly assimilate it (I have incredible stamina), but many believe that the subconscious picks it up and causes the mind (I really want you) to act on it.

Does it really (all night is not out of the question) work? Who knows... (and we can bring the stuffed animals and the Jell-O and the peanut butter and the nylon rope and watch "I Love Lucy" reruns and do things that they'll have to invent new names for when we're done and then we can sleep for 3 hours and do it all again) The jury is still out on that one.

Thanks for your time and patience.