Friday

Signs Your Co-Worker Is A Geek!

-Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
-Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
-When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
-Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
-Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
-Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."
-Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
-Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.
-Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Mrs. President."
-You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"

Zikes! What a year! Joseph forgot to make reservations at the Bethlehem Inn (his carpentry projects aren't the only thing made out of wood!). So they stick us in this stable full of stale hay and stinking animals and guess what??? I go right into labor. My OB doc said: "Make the trip." Anyway, we have a new baby boy that we think is truly special. But it's been a madhouse ever since!

First, we can't agree on a name. Joseph likes Immanuel; I'm holding out for Jesus. Next, all these shepherds stop by to gawk (as if the smell wasn't bad enough). At least those three camel jockeys brought gifts (ever try to exchange myrrh without a receipt?) We can't get a good night's sleep with that stupid star shining through the cracks in the ceiling, and every store in town is sold out of swaddling.
Well, got to go! Joseph had another one of his visions so I guess we're off to Egypt. This time, I make the reservations!

All my love,

Mary

Jerry Springer wants to surprise you on his show.

REAL NEWSPAPER ADS:

Snow blower for sale... Only used on snowy days.

Wire mesh butchering gloves: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15

Cows, calves never bred... Also 1 gay bull for sale.

Full sized mattress. 20 yr. Warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.

Nordic track $300 hardly used, call chubby

Georgia peaches California grown - 89 cents lb.

Nice parachute: never opened - used once

Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer dryer $300.

Open house: body shapers toning salon - free coffee donuts

Sometimes ...
when you cry ...
no one sees your tears......

Sometimes...
when you are in pain...
no one sees your hurt...

Sometimes...
when you are worried....

no one sees your stress......

Sometimes ...
when you are happy ...
no one sees your smile ......

But fart just one time...

You might be a redneck if…

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

A old woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a scotch and two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her a drink she says, "It's my birthday today and I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday I'll buy you a drink. In fact I'll take care of this one for you."

As the woman finishes her drink a woman to her right says, "I guess I should buy you a drink too."

The 80 year-old woman says, "Alright. Bartender I want a scotch and two drops of water."

"Alright" says the bartender.

As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "Since I'm the only one around you that hasn't bought you a drink I guess I might as well buy you one too."

The old woman says, "Alright, bartender I want a scotch and two drops of water."

"Comin' right up" the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink he says, "Ma'am I'm dying of curiosity. Why the scotch and only two drops of water?"

The woman replies, "Sonny, you learn that when you're my age, you can hold your liquor but you sure can't hold your water!"

Moods of a Woman
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
a woman is a bundle of contradiction,
she's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, but will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
she'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, she'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk, she'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk, at times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad, she'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.

Moods of a Man
Horny
Hungry
Thirsty
Sleepy