Wednesday

You might be a farmer if...

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife.

2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations.

3. You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house.

4. You've never thrown away a 5-gallon bucket.

5. You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.

6. You have used a velvet leaf plant as toilet paper.

7. You have driven off the road while examining your neighbors crops.

8. You have borrowed gravel from the county road to fill potholes in your driveway.

9. You have buried a dog and cried like a baby.

10. You've used the same knife to make bull calves into steers, and peel apples.

Service

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service"... the act of doing things for other people.

Then I heard the terms Internal Revenue Service, Postal Service, Civil Service, Service Stations, and I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

Then recently, I overheard two horse breeders talking and one of them mentioned that he was having his stallion service a few of his mares.

SHAZAM!

It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us!

At the end of your days, be leaning forward - not falling backwards.

As an attorney in a major New Mexico law firm, I have many colleagues who work long hours. However, the reputation of one of my partners' workaholic ways even extended beyond the office.
He not only had to leave work early one day because of a medical problem, but he was also told by his doctor to stay home until the end of the week. My colleague grudgingly agrees to comply.
In the middle of the week, our receptionist received a call for him. She announced that the partner was out of the office until Friday. "Good," the caller said. "That's all I wanted to know." It was my partner's doctor.

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them that they could have another day to study.

That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each boy just shrugged and went to two different parts of the building.

As each sat down, they read the directions:

"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom. For 95 points, tell me WHICH tire it was!"

You might be a redneck if…

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

"You say you're petitioning for a legal name change?" the judge asked.

"Yes, your honor."

The judge looked at the petition. "I can, ummm, see why, ummm, Mr. Leon. . . Shitferbrains, is it?"

"Yes, your honor, that's correct."

"And what do you want to change your name to, Mr., ummm, Shitferbrains?"

"Jim, your honor."

The Lone Ranger is about to be hung by rustlers who caught him spying on their camp. His only hope is Tonto, who managed to escape and go for help.

As the bandits are putting the noose around the Lone Ranger's neck, he sees three horses approaching at a gallop. Sure enough, as they get closer he can see that it is Tonto on the first horse, but he can't make out who the other two riders are.

The Lone Ranger finally sees that Tonto is riding with two beautiful naked women. On is blond, and the other one brunette.

The riders burst into the robbers' camp, and Tonto rides up to the Lone Ranger, saying, "Kemosabe, I have returned with the people you asked me to get."

"Tonto, you idiot," says the Lone Ranger, "I told you to go get posse!"