In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
July 22, 2027
Why do people say that cats have nine lives?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
People forget how fast you did a job - but they remember how well you did it. -- Howard Newton
If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it. -- Margaret Fuller
The way to final freedom is within thy self. -- The Book of the Golden Precepts
In 1913, President Wilson said, "The great government we loved has too often been made use of for selfish purposes."
Galileo was the first person to suggest using a pendulum to run a clock.
If you access the Internet from the country does that mean you have a down home page?
A man walked into a bar and sat down beside a women.
Suddenly her glass eye popped out and he caught it. She thanked him and asked him if he would join her for breakfast the next day. He agreed and got her address. The next day he went to her house and had a lovely breakfast. He asked, "Do you treat all men like this?"
She smiled and said, "Just the ones who catch my eye."
Q: At 60 MPH, it takes 60 seconds to travel a mile. At 120 MPH, it takes 30 seconds. At what speed would it take 45 minutes?
A: It would take 80 MPH.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
Twas the month after New Year's, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The salesgirl notices him and asks if she can help him. He answers that he was looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"
"You see it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, I figure,... if I have to roll my own, so does she!"
You might be a redneck if…
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant down-sizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
"The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again."
Two men went golfing. One man took his pipe out of his gold bag and asked the other one if he had a lighter. The other man pulled out a 12-inch Bic lighter and handed it to him. The first man said "Where did you get that?"
The second man said, "From my genie." The man pulled a lamp out of his bag and rubbed it. The genie appeared and asked what he wanted. He said a million bucks and the genie went back into the lamp. As soon as he disappeared, a million ducks flew overhead.
"Wait a minute," the first man said, "that's not what you asked for."
The second man said, "My genie has bad hearing. Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch Bic?"
Why do people say that cats have nine lives?
Some people believe in the superstition that cats have nine lives, because cats can survive falls from high places with few, if any injuries. This gives the appearance that the cats return to life after sustaining a fatal accidents. Granted, they may sustain minor injuries, such as bloody noses, cracked teeth, or a few broken ribs, but they live to recover.
The ability of the cat to survive these accidents that would kill humans or other animals is not due to multiple lives, but to several advantages they possess. Their small size and low body weight soften the impact as they make contact with the ground after falling from great heights.
The highly developed inner ears of cats equip them with an unusually keen sense of balance, which is critical to their landing on their feet. This sense of balance allows a cat falling upside down to right himself by rapidly determining his position, repositioning himself, and making any adjustments necessary to ensure that he lands on all fours.
Since cats land on all four paws, the impact from landing on the ground is absorbed by all four. Additionally, cats bend their legs when they land, which cushions the impact by spreading the impact, not only through bones that could easily break, but through the joints and muscles as well.
Most are surprised to learn that a cat stands a greater chance of survival if it falls from a higher place than from a lower place. New York veterinarians gathered data from their feline patients, which clearly supports this fact. Ten percent of their patients died after falling from 2-6 stories, while only five percent of the fatalities occurred when their patients fell from 7-32 stories
Laws of physics explain why these survival rates vary. All falling bodies, regardless or their masses, accelerate by 22 miles per hour per second of their falls. The falling object, after traveling a certain distance through the air reaches a final speed, or "terminal velocity," because the object’s friction with the air slows the fall. The smaller the object’s mass, and the greater its area, the more it will slow.
A cat falling from a higher floor, after it stops accelerating, spreads its legs into an umbrella shape, which increases the area against which the air must push and increases the friction, thus slowing the cat’s fall. Through the cats highly developed sense of balance, he buys more time to maneuver his body in preparation for landing on all fours. A cat falling from a lower height does not have the opportunity to increase its body’s area, slow its fall, or position his body to land on all four feet