In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
August 3, 2027
How does a thermometer tell the temperature?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
Reality is something you rise above. - Liza Minnelli
I've been trying for some time to develop a life style that doesn't require my presence. - Gary Trudeau
Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. -- Raymond Lindquist
John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died within hours of each other on July 4, 1826, the 50th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence.
Superfans can now get NFL team contact lenses. They cost about $125, and you must get them from an eye doctor. If your team doesn't have its own lenses, wait until next year when the entire league will be represented.
Suppose Count Dracula is killed, but then he is revived. Would he be revamped?
While making the rounds, Dr. Owens points out an X-Ray to a group of medical students.
"As you can see," he says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Amanpreet: What would you do in a case like this?"
Preet pondered for a second and answered, "I guess I'd limp, too."
Written to Rexall Drug's Customer Service Center:
Dear Carb Solutions,
I'm trying to lose a few pounds and last night I tried your Carb Solutions Taste Sensations - Creamy Chocolate Peanut Butter (Serial Number: MC53097 BEST BY040704) for the first time. The bar was a substitute for my dinner because I was on the road.
I want you to know that I have discovered your secret formula for weight loss and I plan on stealing it. I too will make something so truly disgusting in taste that it makes the victim. . . err, uhhh. . . "dieter" not want to eat anything because they're physically nauseous.
This morning I defecated an exact replica of the bar I ate last night. I plan on taking my feces and your bar to shopping malls and asking people to take a bite of each and see if they can tell the difference.
It is true that my butt won't be able to produce as many "Taste Sensations" as your company can, but at over $2 a bar it will be a nice second income for me. Like your company, I will probably only be able to sell one bar to a customer before they decide never to buy from me again -- so I'll have to keep moving all of the time. They'll probably make a movie about me.
Soon to be your competitor...
xxxxxxxx
Bellingham, Massachusetts
Homeless man's sign at corner of 14th Street&; "Why lie? I need a beer."
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre.
However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
An old man was once on the subway, and he sat down next to a younger man. He noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar.
Having never seen a priest before, he asked, "Excuse me sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"
The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered, "I wear this collar because I am a Father."
The older gent thought a second and responded, "Sir, I am also a father but I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute and said, "Sir, I am the Father for many."
The older fellow quickly answered, "I too am the father of many. I have five sons, six daughters and too many grandchildren to count... But I wear my collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear it your way?"
The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted out, "Sir, I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people."
Now the kindly old gentleman was stunned and sat silently for a long time.
As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Well, sonny, perhaps, it's your pants you should wear backwards."
You might be a redneck if…
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
PARENTAL OBSERVATIONS
A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.
Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing home.
Having children will turn you into your parents.
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.
I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way through the file that contained my very extensive medical history.
After he finished all seventeen pages, he looked at me and said, "Bill... you look better in person than you do on paper."
How does a thermometer tell the temperature?
A thermometer measures temperature through a glass tube sealed with mercury that expands or contracts as the temperature rises or falls.
The tiny size of the bulb and micro-fine size of the tube help the mercury reach the temperature of what it is measuring very rapidly.
Bulb thermometers follow the simple principle that liquids change their volumes relative to their temperature. As temperatures rise, the mercury-filled bulb expands into the capillary tube. Its rate of expansion is calibrated on the glass scale. Two different scales can be found on thermometers--the Fahrenheit scale and the Celsius scale.
With the Fahrenheit scale, Daniel Fahrenheit decided that the freezing and boiling points of water would be separated by 180 degrees and he pegged freezing water at 32 degrees. So he made a thermometer, stuck it in freezing water, and marked the level of the mercury on the glass as 32 degrees. Then he stuck the same thermometer in boiling water and marked it 212 degrees. He then put 180 evenly spaced marks between those two points.
In Celsius scale, Anders Celsius decided that the freezing and boiling points of water would be separated by 100 degrees and he made the freezing point of water at 100 degrees. (His scale was later inverted, so the boiling point of water became 100 degrees and the freezing point became 0 degrees.)
Bulb thermometers are most commonly found in two places--outside on our porches measuring the temperatures outside or under our tongues measuring our bodily temperatures.
With the age the technology came the invention of other types of thermometers. Each different type of thermometer has their own distinctive means of measuring or controlling temperature. For instance, bimetallic strip thermometers are extremely effective for controlling temperatures. Although bulb thermometers are good for measuring temperature accurately, they are harder to maintain set temperatures.
While bulb thermometers measure our changing temperatures when we feel feverish, bimetallic strip thermometers help us bake our favorite cakes by maintaining a set temperature in ovens. The bimetallic strip thermometer, because it is made of metal, is good at maintaining the same temperature for a long period of time.
Recent technology has created new ways to measure temperatures with electronics. The most common device is known as a thermoresistor (or thermistor). This sensor changes its resistance with changes in temperature. A computer or other electronic circuit measures the resistance and converts it to a temperature, either to display it or to make decisions about turning something on or off.
The heat is on…
The first attempt to make a standard temperature scale was done by Galen in AD 170. In his medical writings, Galen created a standard "neutral" temperature consisting of equal quantities of boiling water and ice. On each side of this "neutral" temperature were four degrees of heat and four degrees of cold.
The earliest devices that were used to measure temperature were referred to as thermoscopes. A thermoscope was a glass bulb with a long tube extending downward into a container of colored water.
Did you know?
In 1610 Galileo supposedly used wine instead of water in thermoscopes. In 1641, the first sealed thermometer that used liquid rather than air as the thermometric medium was invented for Ferdinand II, Grand Duke of Tuscany. His thermometer used a sealed alcohol-in-glass device, with 50 "degree" marks on its stem but no "fixed point" was used to zero the scale. These were referred to as "spirit" thermometers. Robert Hook, Curator of the Royal Society, created in 1664 the thermometer that eventually became the standard temperature-measuring instrument of Gresham College and was used by the Royal Society until 1709. (The first intelligible meteorological records used this scale). Mercury's unique characteristics are perfect for measuring temperatures for the following reasons: It has large and uniform expansion abilities, Its silvery appearance allows for easy reading, Its ability to remain a liquid over a wide range of temperatures.