Friday

A guy is walking through Chinatown in New York. He is fascinated by all the Chinese restaurants, the shops, the signs and banners on all the buildings. He is having the greatest time just walking and looking around. He turns a corner and sees a building with a sign that says, "Hans Olafsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olafsen?" he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?"

So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Hans Olafsen's Laundry?"

The old man says, "Is name of owner."

The visitor asks, "Who is the owner?"

"I am he," answers the old man.

"You? How did you get a name like Hans Olafsen?"

The old man replies: "Many years ago, when come to this country, I standing in line at immigration office. Man in front was big Swede. Lady look at him and say 'What your name?' and he say 'Hans Olafsen.' Next, she look at me -- 'What your name?' I say 'Saim Ting.'"

Things that dogs don't understand
1. It's not a laugh to practice barking at 3a.m.
2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her.
3. He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's sopping wet.
4. The cats have every right to be in the living room.
5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is stupid
6. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a walk
7. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can.
8. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok, just this once.
9. No, it's my food....Oh alright then, just a small piece..

Few people blame themselves until they have exhausted all other possibilities.

BOOK TITLES
Come on In! by Doris Open
The German Bank Robbery by Hans Zupp
I Hate the Sun by Gladys Knight
Prison Security by Barb Dweyer
Irish First Aid by R.U. O'Kaye
My Career As a Clown by Abe Ozo
I Didn't Do It! by Ivan Alibi
Why I Eat at McDonalds by Tommy Ayk
I Hit the Wall by Isadore There
The Bruce Lee Story by Marsha Larts
Take This Job and Shove It by Ike Witt
Rapunzel Rapunzel by Harris Long
Split Personalities by Jacqueline Hyde
How I Won the Marathon by Randy Hoelway"

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing so he took her with him.
"I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!"
"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said.
The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."

You might be a redneck if…

Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

In Paris recently, a thief almost managed to steal several paintings from the Louvre. But during his escape, his van ran out of gas and he was captured. After the incident was televised, a reporter asked the would-be thief what happened.

He replied, "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh!"

Advisory

The Wisconsin State Dept of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears this summer.

They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly.

They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.

People should be able to recognize the presence of bears in an area by their droppings:

Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berry residue and possibly squirrel fur.

Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray.