In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
October 26, 2027
What are Pitcher plants?
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Don't join the book burners. Don't think you're going to conceal faults by concealing evidence that they ever existed. Don't be afraid to go in your library and read every book... -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. - Baroness Edith Summerskill
Had we lived, I should have had a tale to tell of the hardihood, endurance, and courage of my companions which would have stirred the heart of every Englishman. These rough notes and our dead bodies must tell the tale. - Capt. Robert Falcon Scott
A hat of solid gold found buried in county Tipperary in 1692 had been used as a crown by the ancient kings of Ireland.
The greatest charioteer in all history, Anniceris, famed Greek chariot driver, could make 1,000 turns in an arena at full speed without deviating from the original track. (Nascar in it's earliest form?)
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. (Ellen DeGeneres)
My son Earl is a construction foreman. One day he tumbled from a scaffold, managing to break his fall by grabbing on to parts of the scaffold on the way down. He received only minor scratches.
Embarrassed by the fall, he climbed back up to continue working. Then he noticed his co-workers holding up hastily made signs reading, 9.6, 9.8, and 9.4.
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval.
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Anti-Stress kit Rubber Band: To remind you to stretch your new ideas and your mind to new limits so you will continue to grow and reach your potential.
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job three years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and bullshit with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills.
Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless
Clueless: Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore -- you're a United States Senator from New York now.
The Office Happenings
Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done".
Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."
A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves.
A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."
My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.
My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier."
My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.
I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too ... but at least I respect him.
He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.
Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.
Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: " I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!"
HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."
Quote from telephone inquiry "We're only hiring one summer intern this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss' daughter finishes her summer classes."
You might be a redneck if…
The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.
There's a new type of alarm clock on the market.
It makes no noise.
It uses lights and gets brighter and brighter until you wake up.
I already have one of these. It's called a window.
I'm a customer service rep for a phone company, and one day someone called to place an order for new services. After gathering his personal information, I advised the customer that he'd have to provide proof of residence: a rent receipt, credit card bill, whatever.
A few days later, I received a picture in the mail.
It was of a man pointing to the house behind him.
What are Pitcher plants?
Pitcher plants are passive hunters that capture insects by means of nectar and color. Once lured inside, the insect slips on the plant's slippery inner surface and drowns in the rain water that has collected in its base. The pitcher plant secretes enzymes that digest the bodies, except for outer skeletons and wings, of its prey.
Armed with sticky and slippery traps but rooted to the spot, most carnivorous plants have no choice but to consume any small creature unlucky enough to stumble into them. But a pitcher plant in Brunei's rainforest seems to have refined the art of fussy eating, luring only termites to their doom.
The picky pitcher plant, Nepenthes albomarginata, can catch thousands of termites in its slippery-walled, jug-shaped leaves filled with digestive fluid.
N. albomarginata's preference for a single type of prey is a first for carnivorous plants, according to Marlis Merbach at the University of Frankfurt in Germany and colleagues, who made the discovery. Moreover, the plant is the only one known to offer up its own tissue as bait.