Sunday

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doctor, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk, "Hello Doctor, could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate"

The doctor says, "Aha! I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." What do they say?" the priest inquired.

They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed; then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. "Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence.

Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered."

March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day

Readers of the Washington POST were asked to compose a very unwise line for a college application:
"When I told my friends I was applying to Lehigh, they were like, no way, and I was like, yes way. And they were like, way cool."
"Four years of fees at your institution come to about $78,000. Just bill my father and mail me half the money. He'll never find out."
"First off, coach said there wasn't going to be no writing."
"To demonstrate my love for your school, I have spray-painted your logo on my town's water tower."
"College is probably the last place they'll look for me."

I once had a friend who was a renowned clinical psycologist. He used to tell me about all the patients he had seen. One of the most interesting cases he told me about involved a schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder.At times this person believed himself to be a temptress in a Bizet opera. At other times he was convinced that he was the head of the German Luftwaffe in WW II.

The concensus of the practitioners was that the poor fellow didn't know if he was Carmen or Goerring...

You might be a redneck if…

Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

How would to live in these places...

Arsoli (Lazio, Italy)
Bastard (Norway)
Beaver (Oklahoma, USA)
Beaver Head (Idaho, USA)
Chinaman's Knob (Australia)
Climax (Colorado, USA)
Cornwall, UK)
Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada)
Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border)
Dongo (Congo -Democratic Republic)
Donk (Belgium)
Fuku (Shensi, China)
Fukue (Honshu, Japan)
Fukum (Yemen)
Hold With Hope (Greenland)
Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA)
Lickey End (West Midlands, UK)
Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland)
Middle Intercourse Island (Australia)
Muff (Northern Ireland)
Nobber (Donegal, Ireland)
Pis Pis River (Nicaragua)
Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines)
Seymen (Turkey)
Shafter (California, USA)
Shag Island (Indian Ocean)
Shitlingthorpe (Yorkshire, UK)
Stains (Near Paris, France)
Tittybong (Australia)
Turdo (Romania)
Twatt (Orkney, UK)
Twatt (Shetland, UK)
Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany)
Wankener (India)
Wankie (Zimbabwe)
Wankie Colliery (Zimbabwe)
Wanks River (Nicaragua)
Wet Beaver Creek (Australia)

A professor at the University of Kentucky is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student way in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. As he ambles slowly toward the podium the professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? Shiiiiiit..... From way back there I thought you said "goats."