Monday

A graduate student in speech therapy had two days to cure her patients of their stutters. She came to a therapy session in a revealing outfit and offered a blow job to anyone who could pronounce the name of the city in which they were born without stuttering. The first man stood up and said, "B-b-b-b-b-b- Boston."

Dejected, he shook his head and sat back down. The next guy stood and said, "Ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-ca-Cleveland."

He slapped his thigh in frustration and sat back down. The third guy stood and without hesitation said, "Miami."

The student fell to her knees and began performing oral sex on the man. After finishing, she looked up and said, "What do you have to say now?"

He replied, "B-b-b-b-b-Beach."

Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake."

"No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking."

My horoscope said that the finger of fate will point at me. Unfortunately, it was the middle finger of fate.

"I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job.
"My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed."
The husband rolled over on the couch. "You should be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a cent."

After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look.

His responding gestures were very cofusing. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space.

"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"

You might be a redneck if…

You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.

Why do you climb philosophical hills? Because they are worth climbing...There are no hills to go down unless you start from the top.

- Margaret Thatcher

One of the marks of an intelligent person is to be able to distinguish what is worth doing and what isn't and to be able to set priorities. The significance of the climb may not be in reaching the top. One can go down a hill from halfway up or from three-quarters of the way up. Or it may be more interesting and intriguing to walk around the hill. To have the opportunity to explore the philosophical hill, we must step on to it. From then on is in the process of the walking and noticing rocks, plants, and strangers along the way that wisdom comes.

- Anne Wilson Schaef From: Meditations For Women Who Do Too Much

Thanks Frank

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Random Cartoon Title: Very bright baby