In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
Women's Day · December 29, 2027
What are Redhaven, fairhaven, elberta, desert gold, and sunhaven?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
Don't be a fool and die for your country. Let the other sonofabitch die for his. -- George S. Patton, (attributed)
The inner fire is the most important thing mankind possesses. -- Edith Sodergran
It is well to give when asked but it is better to give unasked, through understanding. -- Kahlil Gibran, 'On Giving,' The Prophet, 1923
Mr. Jeffries, a basset hound, has the longest dog ears in the world--11.5 inches each--recognized by the GUINESS WORLD RECORDS 2004. They are insured for $48,000.
According to Bayer Aspirin, over 50 billion aspirin tablets are taken worldwide each year.
Why is the time of the day with the slowest traffic called "rush hour?"
Three men met at a party, and it wasn't long until the conversation got around to their line of work and what kind of cars they drove.
"I'm a veterinarian", said the first fellow. "So, naturally, I drive a white 'Vet".
As they smiled and nodded, the second man said, "I own a sign company, so I drive a purple Neon". Now the third guy was suddenly quiet until he was egged on by the other two.
"Well", he finally said, "I'm a proctologist... and I have a brown Probe."
On duty as a customer-service rep for a car-rental company, I took a call from a driver who needed a tow. He was stranded on a busy highway, but he didn't know the make of the car he was driving. I asked again for a more detailed description beyond "a nice blue four-door."
After a long pause, the driver replied, "My car is the one on fire."
If you're waiting in line to be seated at a nice restaurant, you can always figure a wait of two hours or a twenty whichever comes first.
Sexy Laws Around The World!
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense...)
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Excuse me?)
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or a piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is forbidden for virgins to marry. Let's just think for a minute... is there ANY job anywhere else in the world that comes even close to this?)
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, though only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!)
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shiver at the thought.)
Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a problem big enough to make them have to pass this law?)
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor.
At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.
"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next.
Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Mon cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness!'"
You might be a redneck if…
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
The pastor of our church began his sermon with this story:
"I was on a plane last week, from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence.
As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and even the flight attendants began to look concerned. Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Rev.' in front of my name on the passenger list, came over to me, and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could, I don't know...do something religious?'"
"So I took up a collection."
For want of a correctly-placed comma?
My husband asked me to read an essay he wrote for a class at the Industrial College of the Armed Forces, detailing his goals following retirement. Although the essay was quite good, one sentence did leap out at me:
"After retiring my wife, the kids and I plan to..."
What are Redhaven, fairhaven, elberta, desert gold, and sunhaven?
Redhaven, fairhaven, elberta, desert gold, and sunhaven are varieties of peaches.
Your taste buds are not the only parts of your body that cheer every time you enjoy juicy, sun-ripened peaches. Head to toe, inside and out, your whole body applauds the nutritional benefits this delicious fruit provides.
Peaches contain beta-carotene (vitamin A), vitamin C, vitamin E, fiber and many other nutrients essential to good health. Plus, canned peaches are versatile and available all year, making them any easy way to add nutrition and flavor to a well-balanced diet.