Joke

Cop Lines
"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."