Joke

I cannot believe that my boyfriend e-mailed everyone and told them that I farted in his bed, but now that the cat is out of the bag (so to speak), what the heck:

I ADMIT IT! I FARTED IN HIS BED!

So what??? First of all.... He started it! And I can't think of a single reason why I shouldn't stand up to him. I knew damned well that he was deliberately trying to gross me out. I wasn't completely sure at first, but when he began flapping the sheets up my nose, I got the clue.

So it wasn't really my fault that he thrust this situation upon me, and I had to consider my options quickly.

I could've said nothing, but then he would've felt free to continue his abusive and repulsive behavior for the rest of my life.

I could've complained or maybe I could've started up some of that wonderful fake crying that we women are so good at. Normally, this is what I would've done. I can pretty much start crying whenever I feel like it, and my boyfriend falls for it every time. (Sucker!)

But,.... I still had one other option: Fight fire with fire!

It just so happens that I had some deviled eggs at a party a few hours earlier, and it was especially good timing for me if I chose to take him on at his own farting game.

Well, everybody already knows which option I chose, and I not ashamed (a bit embarrassed maybe, but not ashamed). And I think it might even be a fitting end to the 20th century: Women got the suffrage, and Men got the suffering!

All in all, I'd have to say that farting in my boyfriend's bed worked out pretty well. I got to relieve some pressure (which always feels pretty nice), I helped to maintain "honesty" in our relationship, and I earned the respect of the most important man in my life.

So ladies,... let me leave you with this final bit of advice. Don't make the same mistake that I did. Don't wait for "The Whiff Test" to happen to you. The best defense is a strong offense. Go home tonight and lay a preemptive fart for that special man in your life! He'll be glad you did!