Joke

You Might Be A Redneck

- You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

- You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.

- Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

- Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

- You burn your yard rather than mow it.

- You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

- The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

- Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

- You offer to give someone the shirt off your back, and they don't want it.

- You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

- You come back from the dump with more than you took.

- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

- Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

- You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

- You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

- You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

- You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

- Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

- You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.

- You took a fishing pole to Sea World.

- You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

- You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

- You have a rag for a gas cap.

- Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

- Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

- You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

- You can spit without opening your mouth.

- You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

- You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.

- You have a complete set of salad bowls, and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

- The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

- Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

- You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.

- You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

- You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

- Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

- A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvement.

- You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

- You've asked the preacher, "How's it hangin'?"

- You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

- You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

- Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.