Joke

Uncle Cecil, who runs The Straight Dope, http://www.straightdope.com is obviously also infected by the same kind of people whom you see me make fun of here on a regular basis. Cecil says these are some of the questions "he's looking into."

Dear Cecil:
I go camping a lot and sometimes people like to waste my matches by throwing them in the fire. Do you know if they have invented fire resistant matches? If so where can I find them?
--ISeeUOO

Dear Cecil:
In my personal and family development class (home ec) my teacher said that salt and pepper are married, so that's why they always have to stay by each other. If they are, then one has to be the husband and the other the wife. All of the people I've asked have agreed that the pepper would be the husband and the salt the wife. Well, what if the fork, knife, and spoon were a family. Which would be the dad, the mom, and the kid, and would the kid be a boy or a girl? Also, what if thunder, lightning, and rain were a family, how would that go?
--Molly Moxie

Dear Cecil:
Does any one group or individual, anywhere, own rain? Or claim to?
--Saqib R., Los Angeles

Dear Cecil:
What would happen if a giant alien came up and ate the sun, would it die? what would happen to us. Would it eat us too or would it be too full from the sun. Is there any nutritional value in the contents of the sun or any of the planets of the matter.
--D Guarna