One Liners

Is that seat saved? No, but we're praying for it!

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.

Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl mistakes!

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

75% of the nation's employees are looking for a new job.

AT&T stands for American Telephone and Telegraph.
MCI stands for Microwave Communications Inc.

Compliment even small improvements.

Yogi Berra, while playing in the 2003 Bob Hope Chrysler Classic golf tournament: "If I'd hit that harder, I'd of missed it closer."

Brad Miller, Indiana Pacers center, on the team's struggles last season: "It's not going to be peaches and gravy all the time."

Seattle Sonics guard Ray Allen, stating the obvious: "Every time we've lost, it's because we didn't score enough points."

Former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura on how law-abiding he is in his Porsche: "Well, there's no law that says how fast you can get to the speed limit."

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

Don't confuse mere inconveniences with real problems.

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.

Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players!

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.

There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating.

An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice
- once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh.

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.

There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year!

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

I still miss my ex-husband, but my aim is improving.

Don't overlook life's small joys in your search for the big ones.

Remember the 3 R's;
Respect for self;
Respect for others;
Responsibility for all your actions.

Don't stop the parade to pick up a dime.

No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.

Few people blame themselves until they have exhausted all other possibilities.

Live each day as if it were your last ... someday it will be.