One Liners

A person with a tidy desk is not doing much work.

All builders' quotes and time estimates are complete fiction.

Bad weather reports are more likely to be accurate than good weather reports.

Any man you meet after the age of 40 will have a fatal flaw.

Anti-Stress kit Rubber Band: To remind you to stretch your new ideas and your mind to new limits so you will continue to grow and reach your potential.

Anti-Stress kit Tissue: To remind you to see the tears and needs of others, including those of yourself and your peers.

Anti-Stress kit Candy Kiss: To remind you that everyone needs a hug, kiss, or a word of encouragement every day.

Anti-Stress kit Life Saver: To remind you to think of your peers as your "life savers." Care about each other and help each other through the stressful times that occur in life.

Anti-Stress kit Penny: To remind you the value of your thoughts - BIG ones and little ones! Share them with others.

Anti-Stress kit Eraser: To remind you that we all make mistakes and with an eraser they can be erased, as can our human mistakes be overcome.

Anti-Stress kit Toothpick: To remind you to "pick out" the good qualities in others and yourself and to be tolerant and accepting of the differences of others.

Anti-Stress kit Paper Clip: It's important to "keep it all together." Find the balance in your physical, professional, and spiritual life. Explore the resources and programs available to you in the community.

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.

"Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart."

Dentists have their own flossify on how to keep teeth clean.

"Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in!" H.R. Haldeman

"Sociability is a big smile, and a big smile is nothing but teeth." Jack Kerouac

Remember the person who steals an egg will steal a chicken.

Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase "Free Ammo"

There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare.

Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars.

Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uniforms.

In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami.

Thanks preacher for allowing me to have 16 wives: 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better, 4 worse!

Meet regularly with someone who has vastly different views than you.

Be brave. Even if you are not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

Install deadbolt locks on all outside doors.

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.

Money isn't everything....
there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.

Woman to husband at breakfast table:
"It sure is easier to get Junior up for school since he got his nose ring."

Q. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
A. I don't know and I don't care.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but you can't start a camp fire with a whole BOOK of matches?

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Don't worry about the world ending today...
It's already tomorrow in Australia.
(unless you're in Australia -then start worrying)

Character is what you are.
Reputation is what people think you are.

Drive carefully...
It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work..