Wednesday

We received this update on the Pfizer Pharmaceutical Company's new drug release information bulletin:

With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole new line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society.

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more childcare tasks, especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents."

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen, whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting US presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA- This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestine gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O. F. D. (Open fly disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less then truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential strength versions.

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor."

"Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."

"My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

You're from the West Coast when...

--You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
--The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
--The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
--You know how to eat an artichoke.
--You drive to your neighborhood block party.

You're from New York when...

--You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
--You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
--You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
--You think Central Park is "nature."
--You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You're from Colorado when...

--You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
--You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
--A pass does not involve a football or dating.
--The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
--Your bridal registry is at REI.

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,

"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'

You might be a redneck if…

You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

Looking up web sites on infertility, I found an address that sounded interesting.

I clicked on the link and was taken to a site that said, "This page is still under construction."

I looked closer and saw in smaller print:

"Check back in nine months and see what we've accomplished."

So this guy is between the sheets with this woman when he hears the garage door open.

"It's my husband," the woman says. "Here start ironing these," tossing him a pile of shirts.

The husband walks in and asks why there is this strange man ironing shirts. She tells him that he is the new housekeeper. Her husband seems to accept this.

The guy stays and finishes the shirts, leaves and walks down the street to catch the bus. He can't help but brag about what just happened, and tells a man waiting next to him.

The man looks at him and says, "Pal, are you talking about a nice looking brunette who lives in that 2 story brick job on the corner of Main and Park?"

"Yes, I am." "Why do you ask?"

"Hell son, who do you think washed them damn shirts anyway."