Tuesday

Why are men smarter when having sex?
Because they are plugged into a genius.

How many ears has Captain Kirk?
His Left ear, His Right ear, and his final front ear.

My cousin, a perpetual bachelor, owned one of the biggest and fastest-growing businesses in Miami, a furniture store. I convinced him that he needed to take a trip to Italy to visit a manufacturer and check out the merchandise himself. And maybe he could meet an available young Italian women.

As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. She only spoke Italian and he only spoke English--neither understood a word the other spoke. So he took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded. So they went to dinner.

After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.

He was dumbfounded. To this day he says that he's never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

A woman was out driving with her husband. She was speeding along about fifty when a motorcycle cop appeared alongside and indicated for her to pull over.

The cop looked at her and said, "Hmmm...I'm going to put you down for fifty-five."

She turned to her husband. "See! I told you this hat makes me look old."

Psychological Test

It is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her mother, she met a man whom she did not know. She thought he was amazing, her dream guy, and she fell in love with him but never asked for his number and could not find him after the funeral.

A few days later the girl killed her sister.

Question:
What was her motive in killing her sister?
Give this some thought before you scroll down

Answer:
She was hoping that the guy would appear at the sister's funeral.

If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test that a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took this test and answered it correctly.

If you didn't answer correctly, good for you.

If you DID answer correctly, please let me know so I can take you off my e-mail list.

You might be a redneck if…

There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

It was a small town and the Catholic Priest, the Protestant
Minister and the Jewish Rabbi were very good friends. Of course, there was a lot of kidding and joking between them all year long.

To their surprise one year, the Priest and the Minister received a Christmas card from the Rabbi. It read:

Roses are reddish,
Violets are bluish
When the Messiah really comes
You'll wish you were Jewish.

NEWFOUNDLAND USED CAR FOR SALE:
a.. 1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf
b.. Only 15 km
c.. Only first gear and reverse used
d.. Used only in Newfoundland
e.. Never driven hard
f.. Original tires
g.. Original brakes
h.. Original fuel and oil
i.. Only 1 driver
j.. Owner wishing to sell due to employment lay-off k.. See photo