In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
February 21, 2027
Why do we laugh?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
I hear and I forget. I see and I believe. I do and I understand. - Confucius (551-479 BC)
Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration. - Thomas Alva Edison
Far better to think historically, to remember the lessons of the past. Thus, far better to conceive of power as consisting in part of the knowledge of when not to use all the power you have. Far better to be one who knows that if you reserve the power not to use all your power, you will lead others far more successfully and well. -- A. Bartlett Giamatti, President of Yale University
The official seal of the Republic of Mount Athos, Greece, consists of four parts, each held by a different official, and they must all meet to validate any document.
Older folks make great volunteers, and nearly 600,000 of them serve in the Senior Corps.
On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day. That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck.
"Where's Henry?"
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?"
"A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."
Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"
Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem, you didn't see nothin'.
The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
30 HARSH THINGS A WOMAN CAN SAY TO A NAKED MAN
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the 'early bird.
If God Were A Woman!
Sex would smell like chocolate.
Farts would smell like roses.
Dogs would smell spring fresh.
Babies would come from vending machines.
Men would be born with a permanent erection.
All women would have the same size breasts.
There would be no cellulite.
Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE.
Men would be born with an "OFF" switch.
There would be no "Titty Bars." Male Revue would continue.
Every man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife.
All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii.
Men would inherit the menstrual cycle.
Men would come with software to be custom designed.
Men would come equipped with a homing device for quick location by wife.
Men would have built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of the truth.
Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches.
Sex would last longer than 30 seconds.
Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the cheek.
Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.
You might be a redneck if…
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
One morning this blonde calls her Jigsaw Puzzle friend and says, "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."
Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?"
The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.
He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger."
"Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
Waiter: Tea or coffee, gentlemen?
1st customer: I'll have tea.
2nd customer: Me, too. And be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?
Why do we laugh?
The reasons we laugh, including "contagious" laughter, may be products of evolution.
Natural laughter is a two-part, spontaneous, response to humor, that has physiological, psychological, and physical benefits.
Most agree that we laugh when we find something to be humorous, yet different reasons exist for what we find to be humorous. Additionally, different things are humorous to us at different stages of life.
Laughter, a physiological response to humor, can be broken down into two parts.
The first is a set of gestures, and the second is the production of sound. The brain forces to conduct both responses simultaneously. From a physiological standpoint, a "sensor" in the brain responds to laughter by triggering other neural circuits in the brain, which, in turn, generate more laughter.
Oddly enough, laughter is an orderly response, and almost occurs "spontaneously" during pauses at the end of phrases, earning it the name the punctuation effect. Human beings are the only species capable of laughter, and the average adult does so approximately 17 times per day.
Good health is one of the many benefits of laughter. Laughter reduces our stress levels by reducing the level of stress hormones, and also helps us cope with serious illnesses.
Physiologically, laughter promotes healing, by lowering the blood pressure, and by increasing the vascular blood flow and the oxygenation of the blood.
Physical fitness stemming from laughter is a benefit known to few. Scientists estimate that laughing 100 times is equivalent to a 10-minute workout on a rowing machine, or to 15 minutes on a stationary exercise bike. The mere act of laughing exercises the diaphragm, as well as the abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles.
Another benefit of laughter is that it improves our over-all mental health. Pent up negative emotions, such as anger, fear, and sadness, can cause biochemical changes in our bodies that can produce a harmful effect.
Laughter provides a harmless outlet for these negative emotions, and provides a coping mechanism for dealing with difficult or stressful situations.