Tuesday

Here are some funny book titles to kick you off with a laugh.

- The French Chef - by Sue Flay
- Unemployed - by Anita Job
- Off to Market - by Tobias A. Pigg
- I Lived in Detroit - by Helen Earth
- Inflammation, Please - by Arthur Itis
- Handel's Messiah - by Ollie Luyah
- Downpour! - by Wayne Dwops
- Cloning - by Ima Dubble
- Irish Flooring - by Lynn O'Leum
- Holmes Does it Again - by Scott Linyard
- Home Alone IV - by Eddie Buddyhome
- Neither a Borrower - by Nora Lender Bee
- The Scent of a Man - by Jim Nasium
- Is O. J. Guilty? - by Howard I. Know
- Animal Illnesses - by Ann Thrax
- French Overpopulation - by Francis Crowded
- Fallen Underwear - by Lucy Lastic
- House Construction - by Bill Jerome Home
- Lewis Carroll - by Alison Wonderland
- Leo Tolstoy - by Warren Peace
- The L. A. Lakers Breakfast - by Kareem O' Wheat
- Why Cars Stop - by M. T. Tank
- Wind in the Willows - by Russell Ingleaves
- Look Younger - by Fay Slift
- Mountain Climbing - by Andover Hand
- It's Springtime! - by Theresa Green
- No! - by Kurt Reply

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport after midnight, and while en route to his home, asked the driver if he would be a witness, as he suspected his wife was having an affair, and expected to catch her in the act.

The driver agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man.

The husband put his gun to the man's head, and the wife shouted, "Don't do it, this man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the Corvette I said I bought for you, who do you think paid for our new boat, he did!"

The husband, looked over at the cab driver, and said, "What would you do in a case like this?"

The cabbie smiled, and said, "I'd cover him up before he catches cold."

You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.

RED RIDING HOOD'S REVENGE!

This is a nice one you could tell your children or grandchildren at bedtime. It would cut their fears and tensions I'm sure. Perhaps bring a small smile to their cute little faces.

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf.", says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.

About 2 miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.

"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.", taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?! I'm trying to take a shit!"

A young lady went to a dance, and she had a low-cut, strapless gown on. Around her neck she wore a little golden airplane on a long chain. All night she noticed a young man, staring at her.

In her embarrassment, she held up the airplane and said, "Oh, you like my airplane, huh?

The young man smiled mischievously. "No ma'am, I was just admiring the landing field."

You might be a redneck if…

Your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.

A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi from one city were taking a car ride to a conference on world religions. On the highway they were in an accident.

First the Priest steps out, makes the sign of the cross and says, "Oh, God, thank you for letting us survive."

Then the Minister crosses himself and says, "Thank you dear Lord for protecting us."

Finally the Rabbi steps out and likewise makes the sign of the cross. The Priest and Minister look at each other.

Baffled, the Minister says, "We thought you didn't believe in that."

To which the Rabbi responds, "Ach no, I was just checking to make sure I have everything -- spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch."

On day three of the corporate conspiracy trial, the star witness began to recant his story.

"Were you aware that both the FBI and the IRS intended to investigate this CPA, starting ASAP?" the judge asked.

"Not initially."