In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
February 26, 2027
Who was St. Bernard of Menthon?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. -- Chinese Proverb
If you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot. -- Italian Proverb
Where any one body of educated men, of whatever denomination, are condemned indiscriminately, there must be a deficiency of information, or...of something else. -- Jane Austen, Mansfield Park
A sword, thrust into a rock crevice by San Galgano when the Italian knight became a holy hermit, was driven home with such force that it is still there as a point of pilgrimage over 800 years later (Siena, Italy)
The Swiss Family Robinson tree house in Disneyland has 300,000 fake leaves on it which are changed twice a year to reflect the seasons.
Why in America do we have a general in charge of the post office, and a secretary in charge of defense.
A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.
"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well ... they feel a bit tight." replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet. "Try pulling out on the tongue." offers the clerk.
"Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.
I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a damn cop writing out a parking ticket.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a gal a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-dicked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a shit. My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important at my age.
Time is just nature's way to keep everything from happening at once.
I was inspecting communications facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow-covered area. The pilot descended to just a couple hundred feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm.
"I wonder why he didn't land," I said.
"He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said.
As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented.
"No," my seatmate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time."
"How can you tell?"
"Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow."
There were three little pigs that went to a restaurant for dinner. The waiter came to the table and asked if they would like something to drink.
The first piggy said, "I would like a Dr. Pepper." The second piggy said, "I would like a glass of tea." The third piggy said, "I would like a glass of water."
When the waiter brought the drinks, he asked if they were ready to order.
The first piggy said," I would like a hamburger." The second piggy said, "I would like a steak." The third piggy said, "I would like a glass of water."
When the piggies were finished eating, the waiter asked if they would like some dessert.
The first piggy said, "I would like a hot fudge sundae." The second piggy said, "I would like a banana split." Then the third piggy said, "I would like a glass of water."
When the piggies were finished with dessert, the waiter brought their check. Before he left the table, he asked the third little piggy why he only ordered water.
The third piggy said, "Well, someone has to go 'Wee wee wee all the way home."
You might be a redneck if…
You can spit without opening your mouth.
Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking:
Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Yetta: "Vell.... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. An like such a mench he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car..... a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for a dinner..... Marvelous dinner. Lobster even. Den ve go see a show.... let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just die from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment, and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"
Sadie: "Oy! Vey... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"
Yetta: "No... I'm just saying that if you go, wear an old dress!"
"I've got 3 TVs, cable, and a satellite dish; I have 2 phone lines in the house, a cell phone and a pager.
I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to the daily paper and the Sunday. I watch both the local & network news every evening.
And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch!"
Who was St. Bernard of Menthon?
St. Bernard of Menthon, who built way stations for tired medieval travelers in the Alps, is the patron saint of mountain climbers. The dog breed was also named for St. Bernard.