Thursday

A man in a chicken costume who follows typed commands is sweeping the Internet as part of a Burger King advertising campaign. The actor that appears, complete with a garter belt, responds to hundreds of typed commands, but stops short of pornography.

However, the chicken will obey a command to pee on the couch at the http://www.subservientchicken.com/ site.

The chicken also responds to commands to river dance, moonwalk, somersault and bullfight. The soundless site looks like one of many Web cam pornography sites where a user can type in a command and a person on the screen will follow it. However, ask the chicken to do a lewd act and it walks up to the camera and wags a scolding finger.

"The site is geared to reach out to the 20- and 30-year-olds that are difficult to reach with traditional advertising," said Blake Lewis, a spokesman for the Miami-based chain. There is little reference to Burger King, apart from a button to click for information on the BK Tendercrisp sandwich.

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then, she yells, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure.

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

Improve your performance by improving your attitude.

The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply...
"Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."

While visiting my mother in the hospital, I stopped in the cafeteria for breakfast. I set a piece of bread on the moving toaster rack and waited for it to pass under the heated coils and return golden brown.

Instead, it got stuck at the back of the toaster, and I couldn't reach it. The woman next to me in line quickly seized a pair of tongs, reached in, and fished out the piece of toast.

I joked, "You must be an emergency room worker."

"No," she replied with a grin. "I'm an obstetrician."

You might be a redneck if…

You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.

The tourist was admiring the Indian's necklace.

"What is it made of?" she asked.

"Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied.

"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."

"Oh, no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.

Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

Random Cartoon Title: Coffee Cup Art 11