In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
Punday · March 22, 2027
How do Social Security numbers work?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. - Galileo
The language of friendship is not words but meanings. - Thoreau, 1817-1862
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. - Isaac Asimov
The Ashar Mahal, most sacred structure in Bijapur, India, was built to safeguard 2 hairs from Mohammed's beard. The adjacent pool serves only to provide moisture to keep the hairs curly.
For a short time in 1967, the American Typers Association made a new punctuation mark that was a combination of the question mark and an exclamation point called an interrobang. It was rarely used and hasn't been seen since.
Why do we call a small backward place, a 'jerkwater' town?
This is a SHORT humor list that brings you 1 CLEAN joke daily. If this was forwarded to you and you want to receive your own Short Laugh send e-mail to [email protected]
A young man was walking past an old woman on a street corner, when she said, "Son, if it is not too much trouble, can you see me across the street."
The young man said, "Just a minute." Then he walked across the street, looked back and yelled, "Yes, I can see you!"
I owned a taxi service with my husband William. While sitting in his cab waiting for a fare, William saw that a downpour had left puddles stretching to the curb.
Then he heard someone open the back door and get in. When he turned around to ask the destination, William saw the would-be passenger exiting the other door.
"Thanks," said the 'passenger,' "I just wanted to get over the water."
A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry we don't serve poultry." The chicken replies, "That's ok, I only want a drink."
Mexican Police Officer: "So, do you know the criminal Pablo Sanchez?"
Juan (just taken prisoner): "Know him? Yesterday, I am riding my horse, and the horse he stop to make droppings in the road. Pablo Sanchez step out from bushes, holding very big pistola and tells me to get down. Then he points to the droppings and says, 'You must eat all of that'. And what can I do? He has the very big gun, so I start to eat. Pablo is laughing. He laughs so hard that he drops the big gun. I quick grab it and say, 'Now, Pablo, you must eat!'
"And what can Pablo do? I now have the very big gun. So Pablo eat all the rest of that pile. So, you ask do I know Pablo Sanchez? Why, just yesterday Pablo and I have lunch together."
When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times
When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"
When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot
When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked When you are married ....You think to yourself...."Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"
When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???"
When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you ...for no reason When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets
When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together When you are married ....You wonder who will die first
You might be a redneck if…
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
Three Labrador retrievers-one brown, one yellow and one black-were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they struck up a conversation. The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why are you here?"
The brown lab replied, "I'm a wetter. I wet on everything-the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I wet in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Gonna give me Prozac," came the reply from the brown lab. "All the vets are prescribing it. It works for everything."
The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.
"Looks like Prozac for me too," the dejected yellow lab said.
The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you at the vet's office?"
"I'm a humper," the black lab said "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away."
The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, Prozac for you too, huh?"
The black lab said, "No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
Retired professor Moriarty was brought before the country judge on charges.
The judge said sternly, "This is not the first time you have been brought before this court on charges of being drunk and disorderly. Have you any reason why a stiff sentence should not be pronounced?"
The old drunk stood up and looked at the judge. "Man's inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourn."
Then he turned and faced the courtroom. "I'm not as debased as Poe, as ungrateful as Keats, as intemperate as Burns, as timid as Tennyson, as vulgar as Shakespeare, as---"
The judge interrupted, "Shut up! That'll be ninety days." And he slammed down the gavel. Then he said to the bailiff, "Take down that list of names and round them up, they're as bad as he is!"
How do Social Security numbers work?
A Social Security Number (SSN) is a unique, nine-digit number assigned to an individual upon application to the Social Security Administration.
All U.S. citizens over the age of 18, who receive an income, must have a SSN, according to the U.S. Internal Revenue Service (IRS).
In 1943, an executive order required that federal agencies use the SSN in their new record-keeping systems. The IRS further requires that all employers use the employee's SSN, or Taxpayer I.D. Number (TIN), to report his earnings to them.
A SSN fingerprints a person for his lifetime, and goes with him to the grave. As each SSN is unique, the number's initial record-keeping role for the worker and the government to track Social Security entitlements, broadened.
Private entities, such as hospitals, banks, and brokerage firms realized the vast benefits of the SSN as a personal identifier, and adopted it as a form of positive identification.
The nine-digits of the SSN are divided into three parts, each separated by a hyphen. The first three digits, the area numbers, are based upon the zip code in the applicant's mailing address on the original application form. The second two numbers are the group numbers, ranging from 01 to 99, which serve to break the SSNs with the same area numbers into more manageable blocks. The final four digits of the SSN, the serial numbers, run consecutively from 0001 to 9999 within each group designation.
The SSN is the cornerstone of the U.S. Social Security system, which legislators established through the Social Security Act of 1935 as part of President Roosevelt's New Deal. The underlying goal of the system is to provide old age, disability, and survivors insurance, as well as supplemental security income, which provides an income for elderly or disabled people. It is mandatory that employers, employees, and the self-employed pay Social Security taxes into a vast pool of funds, which is held in a special trust. Upon a major life event, each receives his share of benefits, according to the amount he has paid into the fund, up to a certain amount, and also according to his need. Technically, Social Security pays higher benefits to those with lower incomes and those in need, than to those of substantial means. Ideally, taxes paid into the Social Security system by employers and employees today, fund the benefits being drawn upon by those eligible today.