In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
March 27, 2027
Why is your middle finger the longest finger?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
Be gentle with the young. -- Juvenal
The body says what words cannot. -- Martha Graham
Do not speak of your happiness to one less fortunate than yourself. -- Plutarch
The Mountain of the Monks near Kayseri, Turkey, is the location of 60 churches, monasteries and chapels, which have been dug out of the rocks and were used by refugee Christian monks for 300 years.
The tower of the cathedral of Antwerp, Belgium, 400 feet above the ground, provides a view of other bell towers in 124 different localities.
Speed of sound: A human yell would take 3.5 hours to travel from New York to San Francisco.
You know you're trailer trash when...
Your junior prom had a daycare.
You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You let your 12 year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.".
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who worked at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.
A group of friends who prided themselves on their intelligence set out to have a contest of wits.
Each person in turn asked a question, and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer, the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong, he dropped out.
Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot.
Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown, and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were held even for half an hour.
Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of dirt at the lip?"
Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it."
Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the dirt."
"Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher get to the bottom of the hole in the first place?"
"That's your question," said Thompson as he took the money.
The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.
This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.
Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization.
Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.
You might be a redneck if…
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators. The crusty old-timer captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.
The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?"
"No, sir," replies the newbie.
"I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his first officer.
The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 an sets it on his chart table.
"What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.
"Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walked out with $72.
The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen and was handed $66.
He asked the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week.
The lady answers, "Fluctuations."
The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, he turned around and said "Fluc you Amelicans too!"
Why is your middle finger the longest finger?
No one has a firm grasp as to why the middle finger, the impedicus, is the longest finger on each hand.
This Latin word, in translation, means impudent, bold, and immodest, but points us in the wrong direction in solving this mystery, as the name, and the lewd gestures commonly made with this finger, in no way explain its length.
The impedicus itself has a Latin name for being the longest, which is mesaxonic, meaning middle axis. Mesaxonic lends a little more assistance in the quest for an explanation for the middle finger's length.
Evolutionary physiologists cling to the symmetry theory, based upon their studies of the evolutionary reasons for the inner workings of animals' bodies. Experts in this field hold that the longer third finger is most likely a vestige of our ancestors' paws, and state the need for balance as the primary reason for its length.
Their esteemed colleagues, evolutionary morphologists, who study the evolutionary aspects of the shape and of the structures of bodies, also adhere to the theory of symmetry, but tack an additional aspect onto this theory, one they refer to as the "geometry of closing." The geometry of closing is merely scientific jargon for the fact that when the hand closes to form a fist, all fingers touch the palm of the hand at the same time. This way, when they grasp an object, they all share the work equally. Simply put, the fingers on our hands differ in length, because this particular shape works so well, and has done so for millions of years.
Anthropologists, in general, disagree with the balancing act behind the theory of symmetry. Their underlying reason for disputing this theory is that, in their studies of human evolution, they have encountered other primates, man's closest, hairiest relatives, who have longer fourth fingers. Anthropologists, however, do not pose a counter theory to the most commonly held one. Until they do, the theory of symmetry wins hands down!