The Facts About Men
Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.
Q: How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q: What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man's penis?
A: His body.
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they're practicing to be men.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A: To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Q: Why do men name their penises?
A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: What's the best way to kill a man?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "feminine issues"
