MoFunny for

Thursday

April 22, 2027

Trivia question....

What led to the idea that boys and girls would chose their mates on St. Valentine's Day?

+----- Answer At The End -----+

Consider these words of wisdom....

The secret of all power is - save your force. If you want high pressure you must choke off waste. -- Joseph Farrell

Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them. -- John Updike

Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend. -- Theophrastus

I bet ya' didn't know....

Since 1992, tickets issued in CA for speeds greater than 100 m.p.h. shot up 191%, to 15,372. Rhode Island has seen an 85% jump in 100-m.p.h. citations since 2000. Pennsylvania's are up 57% since 1998.

Julie Andrews had a fully developed four-octave vocal range by age 8.

Things that make you go Hmmm....

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

Jokes & stories....

Joke

The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:

Collie + Lhasa Apso: Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow: Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter: Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund: Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso: Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel: Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle (Irish Spring is an American bath soap, adverts have the jingle "Fresh and Clean as a whistle").
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever: Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound: Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog: Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador: Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer: Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute: Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier: Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
Bull Terrier + Shitzu: Oh, never mind....

Joke

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership and browses around. Suddenly she spots the most perfect, beautiful car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escapes her.

Very embarrassed, she anxiously looks around to see if anyone has noticed and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greets her,

"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiles back and asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

Still smiling pleasantly, he replies, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are gonna s--- when you hear the price."

One-liner

First toilet in the White House: 1825, installed for John Quincy Adams.

Joke

Celebrate with some traditional Irish tavern songs!

St. Patrick was a gentleman
Who through strategy and stealth
Drove all the snakes from Ireland
Heres a toasting to his health.

But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself
And then forget the good St. Patrick
And see all those snakes again.

~Traditional~

Where are me boots, me noggin noggin boots
They're all gone for beer and tobacco
For the heels they are worn out and the toes are kicked about
And the soles are looking for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin on the lassies drinking gin
Across the western ocean I must wander

Where is me shirt me noggin noggin shirt
It's all gone for beer and tobacco
For the collar is all worn and the sleeves they are all torn
And the tail is looking for better weather

And it's all for me grog, me jolly jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin on the lassies drinking gin
Across the western ocean I must wander

I'm sick in the head and I haven't gone to bed
Since I first came ashore from me slumber
For I spent all me dough on the lassies don't you know
Far across the western ocean I must wander

And it's all for me grog, me jolly jolly grog
All for me beer and tobacco
Well I spent all me tin on the lassies drinking gin
Across the western ocean I must wander

~Traditional~

Joke

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew."

"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"

"Just once," the man replied.

The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?"

And the man said, "I was looking for my father."

Red Neck

You might be a redneck if…

Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Joke

Little Bobbie had been pawing over a stationer's stock of greeting cards for some time when a clerk asked, "Just what is it you're looking for? A birthday greeting, message to a sick friend? An Anniversary, or a congratulations to your mom and dad?"

Little Bobbie shook his head and answered, "Nope. Got any blank report cards?"

Joke

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell, which by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but got no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louderstill no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?!"

Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away...

"We're down here."

Picture

Trivia answer....

In the Middle Ages, the belief that birds chose their mates on St. Valentine's Day led to the idea that boys and girls would do the same. Up through the early 1900's, the Ozark hill people in the U.S. thought that birds and rabbits started mating on February 14, a day for them which was not only Valentine's Day but Groundhog Day as well.

The history of Valentine's Day -- and its patron saint -- is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.

So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite? Today, the Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.

According to one legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailor's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure. It's no surprise that by the Middle Ages, Valentine was one of the most popular saints in England and France.