Sunday

Bizarre Superstitions

Spilling salt is considered bad luck, probably because it was once so valuable. Superstition has it a person is doomed to shed as many tears as it takes to dissolve the spilled salt.

Evil spirits can't harm you when you stand inside a circle.

Suspend a wedding band over the palm of the pregnant girl.
If the ring swings in a circular motion it will be a girl.
If the ring swings in a straight line the baby will be a boy.

A knife as a gift from a lover means that the love will soon end.

If you use the same pencil to take a test that you used for studying for the test, the pencil will remember the answers.

The number of Xs in the palm of your right hand is the number of children you will have.

You must hold your breath while going past a cemetery or you will breathe in the spirit of someone who has recently died.

When I was in high-school, Joel, a buddy of mine & I were discussing a girl from French class we had both befriended. Her family had recently relocated to the metro area from a farm way out in the sticks.

We both agreed that we'd never met a sweeter girl before, but she was too naive and trusting.

Joel said, "Listen, for her own good, and as her friends, we've got to teach her quickly what's right & what's wrong."

I replied, "Agreed! You teach her what's right."

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

A little boy goes to his father and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well, Son, let me try to explain it this way. "I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny - we'll consider her the Working Class; and your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that, and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room, and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, Son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
Don't imagine that you can change a man unless he is in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

If they put a man on the moon - why can't they put them all there?
Tell him you are not his type - you have a pulse.
Never let your mans mind wander - it is too little to be let out alone.
Go for younger men - you might as well, they never mature anyway.

Men are all the same - they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the Do It Yourself types.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest that they are too old for it.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
A mans idea of serious commitment is usually 'oh alright, I'll stay the night.'
Sadly, all men are created equal.

Remember that a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day graduate to the exalted status of 'former boyfriend.'
There are lots of words to describe men - strong, caring, loving -they'd be wrong but you can still use them.

You might be a redneck if…

You own at least 20 baseball hats.

A guy walks into a bar with a hunk of pavement under his arm.

The bartender looks at the pavement for a bit and then finally says, "What'll ya have?"

The guys says, "One for me and one for the road."

During the recent blackout in New York City, my sister's phone at her ferry company rang nonstop. Many callers asked if the service were still running.

"How?" asked one. "There's a power failure in New York."

"Don't worry," my sister replied. "Our ferry's plugged into the New Jersey side."