Thursday

1.. After dark, all cats are jaguars...
b.. Never 'ever' try to baptize a cat.
c.. Cats are smarter than dogs. You cannot get a cat to pull a sled.
d.. A cat knows your every thought. It doesn't care. But it knows.
e.. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I will put shoes on my cat ...
f.. Most people with cats, know they are being controlled. That's the horror of it ...
g.. Never try to out stubborn a cat.
h.. Thousands of years ago ,humans worshiped the cat. They have not forgotten this. . .
i.. Whenever I bathe my cat, it takes an hour to get the fur off of my tongue.
j.. I prefer to live with Feline Sapiens, thank you very much.
k.. Picture of a fat tabby on a couch, looking at his owner, "My species domesticated your species... "

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"

The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.

The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat in the tree."

The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties?!"

"OOOOhhhh," said the little girl.

The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars."

The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"

The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."

The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is..."

Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, "Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today."

"Daddy, before you married Mom, who told you how to drive?"

BRAIN TEASER: Can YOU solve it?

He went in the woods and got it,
He couldn't get it so he left it,
When he went home he took it with him.
The whole time, he wanted to get rid of it.

What is it?

GIVE UP?

When you're ready to see the answer, just scroll down to the "brain teaser solution" below!

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, that have females do so), male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be a girl!

We should've known. Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night, and not get lost.

You might be a redneck if…

You've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...

First floor The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor this sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."

"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs."

A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak.

He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to pee."

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."

She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg.

He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.

He shouts in horror, "Oh no, Mary! Did you have a sex change operation?"

"No," she replies. "I've changed my mind, I'm taking a dump instead."