In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
May 25, 2027
What would happen if there was no dust?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. -- Bruce Barton
Only the mediocre are always at their best. -- Jean Giraudoux
I believe that uncertainty is rally my spirit's way of whispering, ""I'm in flux. I can't decide for you. Something is off-balance here."" -- Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine, June 2003
The term first used for a game of golf was "round" because early courses were laid out in a circular pattern.
Before he catapulted to fame, Bob Dylan was paid $50 in 1960 for playing the harmonica on a Harry Belafonte album.
If a shepherd takes care of sheep, why doesn't a coward take care of cows?
There was once a herd of llamas that lived next to a herd of cows - separated only by a small fence. The cows would trick the young llamas into coming over near the fence, then when they got close enough, they would grab them and pull them over to their side.
At that point, they would kick the llama around - using him like a soccer ball. They did this for a few hours every day until they tired of it. The moral of the story?
Llamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cow toys.
Six Kinds of Sex
1. The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you keep doing it until you're blue in the face.
2. The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen on the table, etc.
3. The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
4. The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, "Screw you!" This is also called oral sex by some.
5. There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.
6. There is also Social Security Sex...that's when you get some once a month but it's not enough to live on...
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
After his wife died, the uncle of one of my friends decided to plan ahead and order a grave-site marker for himself.
A week or so later, he came home to find a message on his answering machine. It was from a young woman at the company where he'd placed his order.
"I don't know if it's good news or bad," she said, "but your headstone is ready."
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.
One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could...the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! WellI must keep my end of the bargain...which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that WATER!!!
You might be a redneck if…
You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
They say marriage is a contract. No, it's not. Contracts come with warrantees. When something goes wrong, you can take it back to the manufacturer.
If your husband starts acting up, you can't take him back to his mama's house. "I don't know; he just stopped working. He's just laying around making a funny noise."
Jack hadn't been to a class reunion in decades. When he walked into this latest one, he thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting, saying, "You look like Helen Brown."
"Well," the woman snapped back, "you don't look so great in blue, either!"
What would happen if there was no dust?
Most of us who have ever cleaned a house would be much happier if there were less dust.
However, without dust there would be less rainfall and sunsets would be less beautiful.
Rain is formed when water molecules in the air collect around particles of dust. When the collected water becomes heavy enough the water droplet falls to the earth as rain. Thus water vapor could be much less likely to turn to rain without the dust particles.
The water vapor and dust particles also serve to reflect the rays of the sun. At sunrise and sunset, when the sun is below the horizon, the dust and water vapor molecules reflect the longer, red, wavelengths of light such that we can see them for more time (starting earlier in the case of sunrise and lasting longer in the case of sunset) than any of the other wavelengths. The more dust particles in the air the more colorful the sunrise or sunset.