Friday

Little Leroy was at home doing his Math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."

In that moment, his mother comes in and hears what he is saying.

"Leroy, what are you doing?! Why are you saying that?!"

Little Leroy answered, "I'm doing my Math homework, Mom."

She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?"

He replied, "Yes."

The next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is receiving, goes to Little Leroy's school to talk to the teacher. The mother said to his Math teacher, "I would like to know what you are teaching my son in Math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition problems."

Little Leroy's mother asked, "And... are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

When the teacher stopped laughing she replied, "Not at all! What I taught them was two plus two THE SUM OF WHICH IS four."

An American scientist once visited the offices of the great Nobel Prize-winning physicist, Neils Bohr, in Copenhagen, and was amazed to find that over his desk a horseshoe was nailed to the wall.

The American said with a nervous laugh, "Surely you don't believe that horseshoe will bring you good luck, do you, Professor Bohr?"

Bohr chuckled. "I believe no such thing, my good friend. Not at all. I am scarcely likely to believe in such foolish nonsense. However, I am told that a horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not!"

Yogi Berra, while playing in the 2003 Bob Hope Chrysler Classic golf tournament: "If I'd hit that harder, I'd of missed it closer."

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? Then GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answe If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Answer the next one quickly...

Second Question:

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the_ LAST_ Person?

Having problems?

Third Question:

Tricky math! Note: Do this quickly in your head please. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don't believe it? Go back and check it...

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu?

NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again.

Okay, now the bonus round:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

He just has to open his mouth and ask, simple.

Hope you enjoyed...

Bizarre Holidays in February

February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day

February 6 is Lame Duck Day

February 8 is Kite Flying Day

February 13 is Get A Different Name Day

February 16 is Do A Grouch A Favor Day

February 19 is National Chocolate Mint Day

February 20 is Hoodie Hoo Day

February 23 is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day

February 27 is International Polar Bear Day

February 28 is Public Sleeping Day

You might be a redneck if…

On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.

When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."

"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

Dogs Vs Cats

* Cats rub your leg when they want affection, not when they're horny.
* Cats use a litter box. Dogs use your leg.
* Cats always land on their feet. Dogs won't even let you throw them.
* Cats will wait until you've read your morning paper before tearing it to shreds.
* No one has ever had to "Beware of the Cat."
* Cats bury their crap. Dogs dig up others'.
* Cats have better things to do than stick their nose in your crotch.
* Cats lay on the car in the heat. Dogs in heat lay the car.
* Why do you think they call it "Dog Breath?"
* Garfield. Odie. Enough said.