MoFunny for

Monday

Punday · June 7, 2027

Trivia question....

What wood should be used for barbequing?

+----- Answer At The End -----+

Consider these words of wisdom....

Well, spring sprang. We've had our state of grace and our little gift of sanctioned madness, courtesy of Mother Nature. Thanks, Gaia. Much obliged. I guess it's time to get back to that daily routine of living we like to call normal. -- David Assael, Northern Exposure, Spring Break, 1991

You need only claim the event of your life to make yourself yours. When you truly possess all you have been and done, which may take some time, you are fierce with reality. -- Florida Scott-Maxwell, Oprah Magazine, May 2004

I was brought up to believe that how I saw myself was more important than how others saw me. -- Anwar el-Sadat

I bet ya' didn't know....

Troops first arrived by rail to Bull Run (First Manassas) in 1861.

1884: Dow and Jones Published First Average of U.S. Stocks Journalists Charles Dow and Edward Jones published the first average of U.S. stocks. The first Dow-Jones average included mostly railroads because they were the biggest and sturdiest companies at the time. Dow and Jones founded their financial news company next to the New York Stock Exchange, on Wall Street.

Things that make you go Hmmm....

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Jokes & stories....

Joke

Mangled measurements:

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement=1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile perhour = Knotfurlong
7. 365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer = 1 Lite year
8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon
10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
11. Basic unit of laryngitis - 1 hoarsepower
12. Shortest distance between two jokes - a straight line
13. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
14. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
15. 1 million bicycles = 1 megacycles
16. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
17. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
18. 10 cards = 1 decacard
19. 52 cards = 1 deckacard
20. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 fig Newton
21. 1000 grams of wet socks = 1 literhosen
22. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
23. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
24. 10 rations = 1 decaration
25. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
26. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
27. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
28. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League

Joke

You know you’re old

When your mind and body aren’t what they used to be.
Did the fine print shrink? (This is called bifocals denial.)
Do your knees buckle, but your belt won't?
Have your beauty marks sprouted hair?
Does the gleam in your eyes comes from the sun hitting your bifocals?
Do your joints sound like Rice Crispies ... snap, crackle, pop?
Does your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.?
Have you been driving along thinking about stuff, and suddenly realized that you don’t remember the last 3 blocks?
Has a fortune-teller offered to read your face?
Does your pacemaker make the garage door go up when you watch a cute guy/gal go by?
Is the little gray haired person who helps you across the street, your spouse?
Do you have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet?
Have you sunk your teeth into a steak and had them stay there?
Have you quit pulling out your gray hairs, because you could end up bald?
Does your back/knee go out more than you do?

One-liner

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

Joke

One afternoon at Mt. Zion Hebrew School, Chaim Goldberg, the new instructor, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question and answer period.

"Mr. Goldberg," announced little Joel, "there's something I can't figure out."

"What's that Joel?" asked Goldberg, with a kindly smile.

"Well accordin' to the Scriptures, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea. Right?"

"Right."

"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"

"Of course right."

"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"

"Again, you're right, Joel... Where is this going?"

"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doin' somethin' important. Right?"

"All that is right, too," agreed Goldberg. "So, what's your question, already?"

"Well, what I really wanna know is this," demanded Joel. "While the children were doing all these wonderful things, where were all the grown-ups"?

Joke

Manspeak Translated

"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."
Translated: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

Red Neck

You might be a redneck if…

None of your shirts cover your stomach.

Joke

My husband and I were going to visit a friend and when we got to her house we saw her cordless sitting on the trunk of her car. "Let's play a joke on Manda!" I told my husband, "We'll call her from her own front yard on her own phone!"

I thought I was brilliant. My husband must have thought so too because he was having quite the laugh at poor Manda's expense! So I called...and got a busy signal. I'm not too proud to admit I then looked at my husband and in all sincerity said, "She must be online." This remark finally drove him into hystericals. I swear Joe...it never once occured to me I couldn't call her phone number from her own phone! And no, I'm not a blonde!

No name on this one! Ha!

Joke

Our Town Is So Small...

our city limits signs are both on the same post!

the McDonalds only has one Golden Arch

the 7-11 is a 3 1/2 - 5 1/2

the phone book has only one page

the ZIP code was a fraction

Second Street is in the next town over

Picture

Random Cartoon Title: Men Evolve

Trivia answer....

Pine, spruce, or other evergreen wood should never be used for barbequing. These woods, when burning or smoking, can add harmful tar and resins to the food. Only hardwoods should be used for smoking and grilling, such as oak, pecan, hickory, maple, cherry, alder, apple, or mesquite, depending on the type of meat being cooked.

Bet you didn't know March 1st is National Pig Day! Time to celebrate the wonder, beauty and flavor of our most favorite animal.

Most cuts of pork suitable for grilling, pan grilling or pan frying may be cooked on a barbeque.

Choose pork that is cut about 1.5cm to 2cm thick. Similarly sized cubes can be cooked on skewers.

Marinating pork or brushing the meat with basting mixtures while cooking adds extra flavour. Marinades should be cooked thoroughly or discarded.

Place pork on the preheated barbeque (medium heat) and cook until the meat feels firm when pressed with tongs and the pork juices are clear.

Turn the pork once during cooking. Avoid poking or turning the meat unnecessarily with a fork as this pierces the meat and releases juices, making the meat dry