In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
Women's Day · June 23, 2027
What is Nutella?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
There is nothing in which the birds differ more from man than the way in which they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before. -- Robert Lynd, The Blue Lion and Other Essays
Doubt whom you will, but never yourself. -- Christine Bovee
A human being must have occupation if he or she is not to become a nuisance to the world. -- Dorothy L. Sayers
In 1809, Meslitta Bentz invented the world's first drip coffeemaker by making a filter out of her son's notebook paper.
Anomalops katoptron, a fish of India, lights its way through the dark depths of the sea by carrying, immediately below its eyes, a colony of luminous bacteria.
Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.
Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters.
Finally his mother said, "Where did you get all that money?"
"At Sunday School," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it."
Any man you meet after the age of 40 will have a fatal flaw.
Bill works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of the local college. This is the story of an actual conversation between him and a certain blonde customer:
Her: Yes, I'd like a milk with some coffee in it.
Me: So, that's just a splash of coffee in a milk?
Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee.
Me: Is there more milk or coffee?
Her: Oh, definitely more coffee.
Me: So that's a coffee with some extra milk.
Her: Just the usual amount of milk.
Me: A coffee with milk.
Her: Yes.
Me: Anything else?
Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine?
Me: We do have decaf.
Her: No, I don't want decaf, just some coffee without the caffeine.
Me: Ma'am, that's what decaf means, no caffeine.
Her: Oh, then do you have milk with no caffeine?
Me: Milk doesn't come with caffeine.
Her: Yes it does.
Me: Not that I know of, where do you get your milk?
Her: It doesn't say caffeine free on the milk so it must have caffeine.
Me: Oh, you're right, my mistake, I forgot that we only get the decaf milk. No problem, we have only decaf milk. Anything else?
Her: Do you have any bagels?
Bill: (who has been listening all along): I'm sorry, ma'am, we're all out of decaf bagels.
Her: Well, what are those? (pointing at sesame bagels)
Bill: Those are sesame donuts with extra caffeine added.
Her: I guess I'll just have the coffee.
Her: Do you take credit cards?
Me: No ma'am, cash only.
Her: What about Visa?
Me: Is that a credit card?
Her: Well, yes.
Bill: Is it cash?
Her: No.
Bill: Then no, we can't take it.
Her: What about checks?
Me: Cash ma'am, nothing else.
Her: O.K.
Her: How much is that?
Bill: Eleven dollars and 45 cents.
Her: Really?
Bill: New war in Alaska is ruining the coffee business, plus you wanted the coffee with no caffeine, that's hard to find now, had to grow it myself.
Her: O.K. (proceeds to write a check)
Bill: Please leave.
Her: Why?
Bill: You're raising my blood pressure, leave now.
Her: But what about my coffee?
Bill: Leave and never return.
She leaves, but pays the $11.45 first. Seriously.
I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller-- guaranteed to work." I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.
You might be a redneck if…
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for her and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together.
"Sweetie," the woman replied, "I just spent ten days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I know what I'm requesting."
Send someone over quickly! The old woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!"
"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department."
"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"
What is Nutella?
Nutella is a hazelnut spread made with skim milk and cocoa. It is virtually unknown in America, but European children have happily smeared it on breakfast croissants for decades.