If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
Never kick a cow pie on a hot day.
When you've raised your children, stop raising them.
Need rain? Wash and wax the car.
If someone offers a breath mint, take it.
Never fry bacon in the nude.
In loving memory of Tom Hogg, 1943–2023
MoFunny for
Wednesday
Women's Day · June 30, 2027
Trivia question....
What country has the greatest number of islands in the world?
+----- Answer At The End -----+
Consider these words of wisdom....
The secret of joy in work is contained in one word - excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it. -- Pearl Buck, The Joy of Children, 1964
[Memory is] a man's real possession...In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor. -- Alexander Smith
Life is an adventure in forgiveness. -- Norman Cousins
I bet ya' didn't know....
Public speaking ranked second, behind snakes, in a recent Gallup poll of our greatest fears.
Chester Greenwood was 15 years old in 1873 when he invented earmuffs.
Things that make you go Hmmm....
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
Jokes & stories....
Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath.
On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.
On the third hole, a miracle occured Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"
He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!"
By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover".
"It's the biggest dam I know." he replied.
Optimist: A YUGO owner.
When you are dating..... Breaking wind is never an issue.
When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times.
When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and and says "What are you going to drink?"
When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public.
When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public.
When you are dating..... A Single bed for two isn't THAT bad.
When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot.
When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married ....You think to yourself "Was he ALWAYS this hairy????"
When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???"
A guy applied to join a nudist club.
"Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.
"It's quite simple," said the club secretary, "We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."
"Cool," said the guy, "...count me in!"
So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off.
As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays."
A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing, "Beware of Gays."
He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground.
He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry... You've had two warnings!"
You might be a redneck if…
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."
Almost 150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator - Alan Pinkerton - for protection. And that was the beginning of the Secret Service. Since that time, federal police authority has grown to a large number of multi-letter agencies - FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc.
Now we have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service." Can't you see them now, these highly trained men and women in their black outfits with their initials in large white letters across their backs: "FATASS."
I feel safer already...
Random Cartoon Title: Register b4 landing
Trivia answer....
What country has the greatest number of islands in the world?
Finland has the greatest number of islands in the world -- 179,584
Total area: 338,000 square kilometres, of which 10% is water and 69% forest; 187,888 lakes, 5,100 rapids and 179,584 islands; Europe's largest archipelago, including the semi-autonomous province of Åland
Distances: 1,160 km north to south, 540 km west to east Finland's land border with Russia (1,269 km) is the eastern border of the European Union.
Climate: The climate of Finland is marked by cold winters and fairly warm summers. In the far north of the country the sun does not set for about 73 days, producing the white nights of summer. In winter the sun remains below the horizon for 51 days in the far north. In summer the temperature quite often rises to +20 Celsius or more and occasionally goes close to +30 in southern and eastern parts of the country. In winter, temperatures of -20 Celsius are not uncommon in many areas. Finnish Lapland invariably has the lowest winter temperatures. The mean temperature in Helsinki in July is +17 Celsius and in February -5.7 Celsius.